Mother's Day - 2015

Mothers

Soft, warm, and full of love

Mothers both teach and soothe

Their smile can light up the room

Or make everyone in it move

They shield us from the angry dad

and make our owies better

And all they ask is, once a year

they get a simple letter

Mothers are steady as the northern star

They quietly weather the absurd

Even though, deep inside

They rather be flipping you the bird

Nope, I don't think I'll be posting this to the monastery site.  Their sense of propriety is not quite mature enough to handle the subtlety of humor, and trying to explain why it isn't offensive, well, if you have to explain humor...

I told my mother I was working on this post and described the photo.  She made a comment that, of course, she would never think of flipping anyone off.  Yeah, right.  I will, however, buy that her own sense of propriety would prevent her from actually doing the deed.  I firmly believe the thought has crossed her mind from time to time, and why not?  Moms put up with a lot of crap.  Husbands are usually unappreciative; children constantly take advantage, and in the business world, well, let's not even go there.  

Have you ever seen the consummate mother that can simply lean over, quietly whisper into the ear of her unruly child, and the whining, screaming, and crying tantrum disappears into a toned down sniffling with eyes as big as saucers?  I always envisioned her whispering that if the little shit didn't shut the hell up she was going to pinch off their little peanut head and let the dog bury it.  God bless her, mothers have a tough row to hoe and only occasionally do they seem to get the recognition they so sorely deserve.  If a father has never had to mete out punishment, it is probably due to a mother's gentle threat of, "Just wait till your father gets home."  Seven words that can give a child pause, get a room cleaned up, or the lawn mowed.  Dad will come home saying, "What a good kid!" and mom will just wink knowingly at you and say, "Yes.  Yes, he is."  Whew!  I'm certain there are probably more times than I know about than mom put herself between me and a serious butt whipping, not that I probably didn't deserve the punishment.

For those that think their mother is a royal bitch, maybe she has cause.  Hell, the cause is probably you... or your father.  How about cutting her some slack and trying to see the world through her eyes.  Walk a mile in her shoes, she's already walk across the earth in yours.  She's been there and done that, so don't think she doesn't understand what you're going through.  But, if it's that bad and she really hasn't, what the hell are you doing it for?  This woman, that gave you life, deserves better than you being the whiny little shit all the time.  Suck it up and show some appreciation for at least one day... how about Mother's Day?

My best wishes and love for all you mothers out there!

Editor's Note

(re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so.

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion and debate in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth. After over twenty years as a military intelligence analyst, planner, and briefer, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we do afterward, and what we learn from the experience.

Frank Anthony Villari (aka, Pastor Tony)

Pastor Tony is founder of the Congregation for Religious Tolerance and author/editor of the Congregation's official blog site, "The Path."

My Sunday Thought, April 26, 2015: Oh, Pooh!

“I'm not lost for I know where I am.
But however, where I am may be lost.”

-- A.A. Milne, "Winnie-the-Pooh"

The timeless wisdom of Winnie-the-Pooh is lost on many. I was going to add "especially the young," but, unlike the adults of yesteryear, it is probably lost on many of today's adults, as well. When you think about our country, the quote above seems very poignant.

I am saddened that we seem to forget the sacrifices made by many to make our nation what it used to be, but I am more saddened that the nation, itself, isn't what it used to be. Change, much like pooh, happens. The one constant in the universe is change. I have always expected change to happen for the better, as it always has. But there seems to have been a fundamental change to how we view change and our expectations of the outcome of change which we would have previously expected from change. Say what? Winnie-the-Pooh would probably understand.  It is almost as if we stopped giving a damn one way or the other about what happens.  We piss and moan about it, then go on about our lives like so many ants, simply accepting whatever happened as an inevitable part of our reality.

Sometimes I wonder if it's because we have forgotten to expect the best or if we've forgotten what the best looks like so, when we're confronted with mediocrity, we're satisfied. It's the mindset being forced on us where everyone gets a trophy for participating; there are no winners or losers. Is it enough that we just exist?  No wonder some say exceptionalism is dead.

I took this photo of a VFW member raising the flag during the playing of the National Anthem at an oyster festival in Olympia Washington. You know, the National Anthem of the United States of America? Anyway, two people were standing at attention during the tune - me and him. I know there were other patriots in the crowd, they've either just forgotten how to act the part, or they're too afraid of ridicule from the non-patriots in the crowd.  It seemed very unusual when you consider the two local military bases along with reserves and guard... or, is it?

Yesterday we started denying our country, our flag, and our Constitution. Today we are, once again, denying Christ by refusing to stand up against those that would persecute Christians. Who knows what we'll be denying tomorrow. Is mediocre really good enough for you? Do you really think kind of believing in something is good enough? Do you really believe ISIS isn't here already? And, finally, do you know even have a clue what you're willing to stand and fight for?

Like the Pooh bear, I'm not lost because I know where I am. However, where I am would definitely seem to be very lost.

This Sunday, take a moment and think about what you're willing to sacrifice to keep what you have safe, then think about whether you're willing to die at the hands of some insane terrorist if you don't deny Christ and your faith. It's a matter of degree, a mindset. Are you satisfied with mediocrity or are you capable of exceptionalism. When thrown to the wolves will you cry, wet your pants, and fold like frightened child, or tear them apart with your bare hands? Will you simply kneel down and accept your fate, or are you capable of stepping up for yourself and others? How about standing up for your beliefs?  And, if not now, when? Do you really know where you stand and, more importantly, why?  Until you do, how can you ever truly expect to have faith?  By the way, saying you have faith because you have faith that you do, is not an answer.

Then again, maybe I'm wrong. 

Editor's Note (re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card):  

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion.  It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other.  An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so.

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion and debate in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth.  After over twenty years as a military intelligence analyst, planner, and briefer, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human.  God's test for us is what we do afterward, and what we learn from the experience.
  

Pastor Frank Anthony Villari

Pastor Tony is founder of the Congregation for Religious Tolerance and author/editor of the Congregation's official blog site, "The Path."

Second Star to the Right

'Second star to the right and straight on till morning.' That, Peter had told Wendy, was the way to the Neverland; but even birds, carrying maps and consulting them at windy corners, could not have sighted it with these instructions. Peter, you see, just said anything that came into his head.

-- J.M. Barrie (1860-1937), "Peter Pan" 

Sometimes I think what most Christians, ministers, and priests do, is just say anything that comes into their heads.  Usually, that entails quoting biblical scripture which, then, requires the listener to have a modicum of faith.  Think of it as a horse race.  The Bible, an hour before post time (that would be when it was written) had great odds.  For all intent and purpose, no other horse could beat it.  For that hour before post time, mankind had been working the odds; translating, rewriting, interpreting and reinterpreting, only to find, at the last minute, new information which could very well place this horse on the next glue wagon out of town.  Christianity doesn't have the market cornered here; most religions fail when it comes to forthright honesty. Usually, the golden odds of procuring undying faith of the masses disappear faster than steaks at a soup kitchen.  I think that even the faithful who remain would have to ask, "Why?"

Biblical scholars are beginning to question even the Old Testament.  For instance, called into question are many of the historical events concerning the Israelites.  It has gotten to the point where they question if the entire history of the nation of Israel was "invented" just to give the nation strength and substance in the face of their enemies.  Add to this the contradictions and questions concerning sources, translations, artistic liberties taken by creative monks when transcribing text, and the multiple interpretations (and misinterpretations), and you have a document based purely on faith, yet with little substance.  But isn't this what faith is; a belief in something for which there is little or no proof?

Now, many out there will be shouting, "HERETIC!"  And they might be right.  I will probably answer to the "Big Guy" upstairs when I finally push up daisies.  Lord knows, according to the Bible, man has no right to judge me, only my Master does, according to this very scripture.  They also seemed to have skimmed over that verse which reminds there are no righteous among us.  Not one. Yet they continue to judge everybody, often, and with much pompous flair.  There is also a passage in the "Good Book" that has to do with believing in your heart what you do is right.  This passage might give some of us a shield against another's "righteous" condemnation (I don't remember chapter and verse.  Practice researching; you look this one up).

I have been a Christian since my birth, a Catholic to be precise.  Like most Christians, all I have ever known is the Bible in one narrow interpretation.  I have come to believe there is another heresy infecting Christianity.  This heresy deals with putting too much faith in a book, and not enough faith in Christ and God.  I say, bring it on!  Bring on all the information that proves the bible to be tainted and unreliable.  What will Christians, all the numerous sects that misinterpret scripture to suit their particular heresy, do with the Bible then, burn it?  Heavens no!  The message is sound, and the lessons, though probably fictional parables have a just meaning.  What we all need to do is put scripture on the shelf as a reference document, and start worshiping God as God intended.

And God spake all these words, saying, I am the Lord thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

-- Exodus 20:1-3

"...no other gods before me."  Not necessarily stating unequivocally there are no other gods.  So that would make us what, monolatrists?  And what of the next verse in Exodus:

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth..."

Exodus 20:4 

Note:  I know I usually italicized quotes, but I want to make a point here.  Ask yourself if the italicized "original script" (shown above) was added, remembering this "original" was probably handwritten in Hebrew, Greek, Egyptian, or Aramaic, and that italics weren't invented until 1500 AD, in Italy, and for a specific purpose.  Gee, exactly how much "change" has been added?  Just how original, and accurate, is our scripture?  It makes one think.  Well, it makes me think.

Merriam-Webster defines "graven image" as: "an object (such as a statue) that is worshipped as a god or in place of a god."  What do most Christians hold before them like some omnipotent shield?  The Bible!  Is it a graven image?  You decide.  I think we have taken a text, doing so with all good intentions, and created an idol of gold.

So where is our map?  Where are our directions to the Kingdom of Heaven?  What makes us think our salvation was ever intended to be so difficult as to require a map?  Remember what Jesus said in Christianity's own scripture:

Thomas said to Him, "Lord, we do not know where You are going, how do we know the way?" Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me. If you had known Me, you would have known My Father also; from now on you know Him, and have seen Him."

-- John 14:5-7

The Bible, with all its flaws, gives us a taste of the moral, honest, loving, tolerant, giving and forgiving, man that was the Christ.  Without the Bible to hold up as our shield or sword, what do we have?  How do we find the way to heaven?  How about, for once, not just remembering what Jesus said, but understanding it, as well:  "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me. If you had known Me, you would have known My Father also; from now on you know Him, and have seen Him."  No book is necessary.

The again, perhaps the Bible has intentional flaws, included to separate the wheat from the chaff; those that truly understand from the "faithful" who think they do but are really without a clue.  Maybe Judaism and Islam are not immune to any of this.  Abrahamic religions are, after all, just man's interpretations of the same truth, handed down from the same God.  

Maybe Peter Pan was saying anything that came into his head because he couldn't fathom any child not having an imagination.  To him, finding Neverland was as simple as, well, just going there.  I think Jesus felt the same way.  Maybe he was the original innocence of the Pan.  Where is heaven?  Don't over think it.  "Second star to the right, and straight on till morning."

You don't need to find that which is already in your grasp.

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.

The Value of Family

"Ohana means family.  Family means nobody gets left behind, or forgotten."

-- Lilo Pelekai, "Lilo & Stitch" (2002)

Remember this quote from the Disney movie?  Most mothers will.  Most dad's, that take being a father seriously, might also, especially if they have a little girl.  Believe it or not, most real men are softies.  Most of us love Disney movies.  You'll find us building a deck out back while singing the soundtrack to Snow White, Beauty and the Beast, Lion King, and so many others.  Hell, when the families got together to play pinochle, the kids would watch the VHS recording of Beauty and the Beast.  We heard it so many times, my buddy and I would sing along while we played, which annoyed the wives so we considered it psychological warfare.  We almost always won big.  So, what does this have to do with "family values," you might ask.  Nothing much, its just an anecdotal part of my life.  But, for me, it is the difference between "family values" and the "value of family."

"Value is defined as the quality or worth of a thing.  To combine the words together yields a definition of:  a traditional set of social standards defined by the family and a history of customs that provide the emotional and physical basis for raising a family.  Our social values are often times reinforced by our spiritual or religious beliefs and traditions... Your family values definition consists of ideas passed down from generation to generation.  It boils down to the philosophy of how you want to live your family life."

-- Susie Duffy, "Defining Your Family Values"

I think Susie Duffy defines it pretty well.  I would expand on it by saying family values are personal, societal, and familial, ideas and expectations that guide us in how we grow and develop in our family life.  But, these are simply rules to live by.  They answer the "what" of family; those things that define what a family is and what it exists for.  Now answer my favorite question.  Why?  I had to warn myself, as I considered writing this post, that I was rapidly approaching that television series sign post up ahead warning me I was about to enter the twilight zone.  

This will probably open a Pandora's Box of differing opinion, primarily due to semantics.  If it does then I have accomplished one of my goals in writing these long winded posts, so here it goes.  Is it "why," or is it "what?"  Isn't what the family exists for, the same as why the family exists?  Don't the family values define the value of family?  I guess this would depend on how you want to define it, objectively or subjectively.  You might look at a family and see what is defined as the perfect family unit which exhibits all the characteristics defining the perfect family.  And the outward appearance might tell us exactly that, but the inside of the family unit might royally suck.  It might just be the perfect example of having a family just to have a family; fulfilling some ambiguous obligation to church, parents, or society.

The family is by nature a lifelong joining of two people, and their families, for the purpose of bringing new life into the world and raising children to be virtuous members of that family and, through it, of society. This is a demanding vision. And it does, in fact, entail the view that a whole slew of behaviors that are common today are in an important sense wrong—because they prevent the formation and flourishing of real, full families and, through them, of full lives... The point is not to pretend that we are better than one another, but to recognize and work on our failings so that we all can be better people. And families provide the natural and by far the best institution in which to do that.

-- Bruce Frohnen, "Why "Value" Families?"

Consider the quote from Bruce Frohnen, above.  Is he correct?  I think so, but you have to look beyond yesterday's morals to arrive at whether we feel "a whole slew of behaviors that are common today are in an important sense wrong," and determine just what those behaviors are.  Conservative Christians, those that seemingly forget to practicing biblical tolerance, are still condemning everyone to hell that do not conform to their standards, regardless of what their precious Romans 14:4 says about judging another master's servant.  But, then, hypocrisy seems to be one of those sins they find easy to absolve, though I always though absolution was God's purview, not man's.  

If we interpret scripture with a sense of tolerance, understanding, and love, you know, like Christ intended, I think we can redefine what today's family looks like. "The family is by nature a lifelong joining of two people, and their families, for the purpose of bringing new life into the world and raising children to be virtuous members of that family and, through it, of society." Same sex marriages are becoming the norm, and even if the majority bolsters the laws to overturn new definitions of marriage, the gay community is not going away, and tolerance for their lifestyle is spreading. Whether we agree, or not, the topic of same sex marriage will continue until they win their rights, and they will, sooner or later, win. And I would have to ask, why not?

"I get really infuriated when people ask ridiculous questions about whether gays and lesbians should be allowed to be foster parents or adopt children. What is it that heterosexual people think we do, anyway? Karen and I are normal, everyday people: we are parents; we run a business together; we are fortunate enough to have a mortgage to pay; we do laundry; we pay the bills; we've started a family support group in our area with a monthly newsletter that goes out to about six hundred gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender families and allies; we started Foster Dignity, an organization that collects suitcases, essentials, and clothing for children going into foster care; and we chaperon field trips and volunteer in our son's classroom."

-- Beth Bellavance-Grace, foster and adoptive lesbian mother

From what I understand, the numbers show that gay couples make better parents than straight ones, and there is also no proof showing gay parents raise gay children; the opposite would seem to be the case. As far as bringing "new life" into the world, there are plenty of children abandoned by straight parents that qualified gay couples would love to adopt, and I'm sure the children would rather be loved than be wards of the state. Let's get over it for their sake. As with segregation, our prejudices seem to still trip us up when it comes to reality. Black is just a skin color, Wicca are not evil witches, not all of Islam are terrorists, and gays search for Christ while Christians condemn them to hell. "The point is not to pretend that we are better than one another, but to recognize and work on our failings so that we all can be better people. And families provide the natural and by far the best institution in which to do that." I really don't think your sexual preference has a bearing on this. If anything is to be said, I think it would have to be that the gay community is better armed to deal with anything that comes at them pass that strength of character on to their children.

Family values are under attack in America.  It is no secret the male parent in poor black communities is a scarce commodity.  The crime rate in these communities, and the record of youth arrests would bear out the consequences of this lack of a good role model, or of good family values, or both.  And what is the real crime of these absentee fathers?  They lack a sense, not only of their responsibility to instill good family values, but of their responsibility to the value of family.  No one is immune to either of these crimes against family.  This infection is spreading across our nation like a plague.  We can penalize the perpetrators of this lack of responsibility, but we can't make them care, and until they care, for them, there can be no value of family.  It isn't something you are taught.  It is not an objective thing; it's more of a feeling, an emotion.

"The family is one of nature’s masterpieces."

-- George Santayana (1863-1952), poet, essayist

So, what is "value of family?"  You will know the answer to that question when you realize you can't place a value on it.  It is priceless.  Ask a child that never had a family, and then was adopted, what the value of a family is.  As you look at your parents, grandparents, teenagers, or grown sons and daughters, ask yourself how much they are worth to you.  If you can put a price on them, perhaps you need to reevaluate your own life.  If you have abandoned your child, or are a "deadbeat" mom or dad, perhaps you need to reevaluate your definition of manhood or motherhood.  "Well, I did what I thought was best," is really the best you can offer in response?  It is a sad excuse.  The price we pay for being able to place a value on family is a debt to be collected later on in life when we realize we are alone in the world because we wear our lack of respect for family like a yoke to remind everyone around us of our lack of respect for ourselves.

For those of us recognizing there is no possible value you can put on love of those around you, the value of family is having your daughter bring you the tissue box knowing you'll both be crying during those sensitive scenes in the Disney movie you just hit the start button on.  The moments are irreplaceable, as is the family.

"Family is not an important thing.  It's everything."

-- Michael J. Fox, actor

Editor's Note:  

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion.  It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other.  An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so.

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion and debate in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth.  After over twenty years as a military intelligence analyst, planner, and briefer, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human.  God's test for us is what we do afterward, and what we learn from the experience.
  

Pastor Frank Anthony Villari

Pastor Tony is founder of the Congregation for Religious Tolerance and author/editor of the Congregation's official blog site, "The Path."

Sunday Thought, April 19, 2015: Tolerance or Respect?

tolerance [tol-er-uh ns], noun

1.  a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, beliefs, practices, racial or ethnic origins, etc., differ from one's own; freedom from bigotry. 

2.  a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions, beliefs, and practices that differ from one's own.

3.  interest in and concern for ideas, opinions, practices, etc., foreign to one's own; a liberal, undogmatic viewpoint.

4.  the act or capacity of enduring; endurance:  My tolerance of noise is limited.

respect [re·spect, rəˈspekt], noun 

1.  a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. 

2.  a particular aspect, point, or detail. 

verb
1.  admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

There was a discussion in the monastery, last evening, concerning the difference between tolerance and respect.  Basically, it centered around not wanting one's tolerance, but, rather, one's respect.  Tolerance in this context is definition number 4, above.  I am willing to endure you, or, I am willing to put up with you.  The concern of this minister is well founded were that the definition the monastery is exercising.  It is not.  The monastery is defining tolerance using definitions 1-3.  The minister pointed several "intolerant" individuals to review the mission statement of the ULC, of which I have included the following excerpts, highlighting and italicizing pertinent parts: 

The ULC has also become renowned for its role as a champion of religious freedom, social justice, and spiritual expression.  While the Universal Life Church Monastery has become a global leader in these fields, it largely attributes that status to the commitment and competence of the millions of empowered ministers brought together in a world tent of togetherness. 

The Universal Life Church was founded on the basic belief that we are all children of the same universe and, derived from that basic belief, has established two core tenets by which it expects its ministers to conduct themselves:

1. Do only that which is right. 

2. Every individual is free to practice their religion in the manner of their choosing, as mandated by the First Amendment, so long as that expression does not impinge upon the rights or freedoms of others and is in accordance with the government’s laws.

-- Excerpts from the "About Us" tab on the homepage of the Universal Life Church Monastery

I cannot, necessarily, admire someone, or something, deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements, if I do not know them. Until I do know them, however, I can show them tolerance, listen to their views, and accept their right to their beliefs and opinions, until I know the kind of person they are.  Sociopaths can be very intelligent and adept at making people like them by saying all the right things people want to hear.  They may even believe their own bullshit, but this doesn't make them any less a sociopath.  In this day and age of questionable news facts, questionable government representation, and even more questionable personal and public agendas everyone seems to find need to tout, it is good to hold back your respect until you really understand what, or who, you are about to respect.  

So, it seems the question is really is one of respect, which, first of all, I think we can all agree, needs to be earned.  Can like each other and not respect each other?  Do I have to respect you  in order to respect your right to your own opinions and ideas?  Do I have to accept them, in order to tolerate your right to have these ideas and beliefs, even though they are contrary to my own?  Tolerance would seem to dictate I treat you, the person, as I would those for which I have great respect.  So, it would seem, it is okay for me to like you for having a diversity of ideas and opinions of which I do not necessarily agree.  Tolerance allows us to have an open, active mind, to understand, communicate, and learn.  If we practice tolerance in this context, and try to respect each other's rights to have peaceful opinions and beliefs, listening to each other's views with the active mind, with an intent to understand the issues, we just might grow to "admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements," and learn to respect each other for who we are and maybe even like each other, as well.  Is this just another confusing concept?  Confusion seems to run amok nowadays and, it would also seem, we love to feed that particular monster.  

Tolerance, in the monastery's context, demands that we "do that which is right," regardless of our personal beliefs.  Doing what is right, for this purpose, is practicing tolerance by the first three definitions.  It does not mean you have to accept the viewpoint, it simply means you must be tolerant of the fact that there is a multitude, a great diversity, of spiritual belief in our world.  This tolerance demands we recognize and respect that "every individual is free to practice their religion in the manner of their choosing, as mandated by the First Amendment, so long as that expression does not impinge upon the rights or freedoms of others and is in accordance with the government’s laws."

One has argued that to tolerate is to put up with something, and this is viewed as condescending. This view of tolerance is one of the four definitions and is, probably, the most narrow definition offered. The other three definitions are what ministers, and all persons of faith, all people as a whole, should be concerning themselves with. If we anchor ourselves to the narrow view of tolerance we, by definition, have no expectation of participating in the other three, broader, definitions.  And without this participation how can we ever have,  have any expectation of, respect?

I can understand the view that tolerance can seem condescending, however, I can also understand there may be times when a condescending view of tolerance might be preferable to no tolerance at all.  Don't we all wish Adolf Hitler had been a bit more condescending of the Jews?  I think a bit more "condescending" tolerance on his part may have saved millions of lives.  But, let's not be too tolerant of the Jews; let's not waste our time with condescension but, rather, let's move straight to the "final solution."  Let's not recognize a possible need for tolerance, in lieu of the horrific alternatives?  I think the entire German nation, after coming to grips with the horrors of the Nazi leadership, all wish they'd been a bit more tolerant; a bit more willing to have "a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, beliefs, practices, racial or ethnic origins, etc., differ from one's own... a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions, beliefs, and practices that differ from one's own," and had shown an "interest in and concern for ideas, opinions, practices, etc., foreign to one's own; a liberal, undogmatic viewpoint."

God bless the first three definitions for providing a middle ground, a buffer to the, possible, insane alternatives of intolerance.

I think we all wish this was a perfect world, though we constantly prove, through our own ignorance and prejudices, it isn't.  People will not change overnight.  The best we can hope for, in this world of emotional, cultural, and political extremes, is to find some middle ground where we can exist in peace and understanding.  Where we can learn about each other's beliefs and cultures, debate and discuss, communicate and listen until we learn enough about each other to respect each other.  If we can be tolerant of each other long enough to develop respect for each other's peaceful culture, beliefs, and faith, perhaps we can find respect for each other, for who we are as people, and learn to love each other.

Or, we can always look for another, more permanent, "final solution."


Editor's Note:  

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion.  It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other.  An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so.

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion and debate in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth.  After over twenty years as a military intelligence analyst, planner, and briefer, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human.  God's test for us is what we do afterward, and what we learn from the experience.
  

Pastor Frank Anthony Villari

Pastor Tony is founder of the Congregation for Religious Tolerance and author/editor of the Congregation's official blog site, "The Path."

The Storm

"God moves in a mysterious way, His wonders to perform. He plants his footsteps in the sea, and rides upon the storm."

-- William Cowper (1731-1800), poet

Whose life is so blessed as to not have occasional troubles to work through?  When even the Christ had to deal with trials and tribulation, how can we be more blessed?  Yet, many still find opportunity to bemoan difficulties in life that hold them back from happiness.  We need to stop finding cause to excuse our misery and begin finding the strength and the courage to face the difficulties before us so we may continue forward on our path.

"The wise man in the storm prays to God, not for safety from danger, but deliverance from fear."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), poet, essayist

It seems that when our troubles are long legged, when our storms seem to take on a life of their own and set up residence in our lives for the long haul, we tend to forget why the troubles exist.  When we forget why our lives are in turmoil, we start to find other targets on which to assign blame for our turmoil and lack of happiness.  We do this because we insist on making others responsible, when things go a bit off track, for that which only we can claim ownership of - our own happiness.

Re-claiming responsibility and ownership is not an easy task.  Once you fail at solving your own problems, you run the real risk of falling into the "anger trap" of assigning responsibility to others for your lack of ability to ensure your happiness.  Laziness, frustration, and anger, all make it easier for us to assign blame instead of accepting responsibility.  Usually, the only one that does not see through this facade of innocence is the perpetrator, the person assigning the blame.  It's always someone else's fault, right?  

Even when we admit to constantly blaming others, and make the serious effort of taking back the reins of control and admitting you are the only one responsible for you, you have to be extra watchful for falling back into the trap of finding excuses and assigning blame.  Like any addiction, it is easier to give into this temptation than to constantly fend it off.  Let's face it, first we all tend to blame the hammer for hitting our thumb before we laugh at our own incompetence or inattention at hammering.  How many times we jump to blame inanimate objects instead of assigning appropriate responsibility.  I still slap the door jamb I keep running into in my mother's kitchen for constantly jumping into my path with, "Ow!  Stupid door jam!"  I laugh when mom hears me and smiles. 

"Anger is like a storm rising up from the bottom of your consciousness.  When you feel it coming, turn your focus to your breath."

-- Thich Nhat Hanh, Buddhist monk, author, poet  

When we face the possibility of having to admit failure, our first blush is to find a way out of perceived embarrassment instead of bravely taking ownership.  As someone in charge of a large cadre of personnel in Air Force Intelligence, I would rather have five people I could trust to get the job done and tell me the truth when they screwed up than thirty others who get the job done and hide their mistakes.  The sooner we can get passed the blame game, the sooner we can prevent possible loss of life, material, and money, all valuable assets.

"Recently, I was asked if I was going to fire an employee who made a mistake that cost the company $600,000.  No, I replied, I just spent $600,000 training him.  Why would I want somebody to hire his experience?"

-- Thomas J. Watson (1874-1956), businessman

Some of our lives seem to be a never ending series of small storms which we elect to have effect on our happiness.  We become frustrated at the constant effort we feel is required to maintain our seemingly smaller piece of heaven when others we feel to be less deserving move through life with what we feel to be so much less effort.  Think about this previous sentence.  "We become frustrated; we feel is required; our seemingly smaller piece; we feel others to be; what we feel to be."  It would seem our happiness is a direct reflection on our perception, misplaced or not, and that perception is what we use to assign blame, misplaced or not.  If we find ourselves constantly surrounded by people we judge less deserving of happiness, they become the root cause of our own misfortune.  As a society we cultivate this idea that everyone else that has made it in life is obviously the cause for the rest of us failing.  What bullshit thought process is that?  Even an uneducated idiot can see the error in logic, yet we continue to feed the monster and excuse our own laziness to do anything besides cultivate our own misery.

Even these seemingly happy lives around us are subject to the constant small storms of life.  Storms are as inescapable as death and taxes.  How we handle the issues which confront us defines who we are and can have the ability to encourage others to be more than they think they can be.  Patience is, indeed, a virtue.  Every storm will pass, we may die or survive, but it will eventually run its course.  We can try to have a positive effect on the outcome, or we can try to survive as it rolls over us.  The storms will, inevitably, come, and sometime there is nothing we can do to change the outcome, the aftermath, the probable damage.  Why worry over that which we have no control?  If we can't escape it, it is better to spend our time bracing for the hurricane, than bemoaning a fate we may be able to escape through a bit of hard work, and faith.

"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time.  And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."

-- Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948), leader, philosopher 

How you approach life, the ups and downs, speaks volumes about who you are as a person. It defines how people view you, which I am the first to say should not be an issue except that the positive virtues you project may have a bearing on how others view their own circumstance. Where you may not be responsible for their happiness, you certainly might be a game changer for them accepting ownership of it. You can be an island of peace in the eye of their personal storm.

Storms are a necessary part of nature. They can be understood, admired, and used, or they can be feared. Storms blow down the weak, dead branches and brown leaves, creating mulch for growth and litter for environment. The rains cleanse the world and provide sustenance for life. Lightning sparks fires which burn off the old to provide nutrients and make room for new growth. Even the most horrific storms have purpose which nature must embrace to survive. So it is with our own "life storms." We can patiently embrace them, or we can give up, be weak, and become the leaf litter of humanity.  

Is giving up a bad thing?  It depends upon your point of view.  You have the personal choice to be positive or negative; to influence your own life, and the lives of others, in a positive or negative way.  It is your choice and, therefore, you are responsible for making it.  Don't look to God and dare to assign blame there.  God has already given you the tools to change your circumstance.  Do not pray to God to give you those tools which you have ignored.  Rather, pray to God for the strength to overcome your weaknesses, your fears, and for the assistance to overcome the storms of adversity.  

Can your choice be the wrong one?  Of course, because for everything there must be balance, the duality which forms the whole, two complementing yet contrary, opposite, forces which allows the universe to exist; there must be "yin yang."  If you make the wrong decisions, or have been born into a pit of misery through no fault of your own, you have the God given ability to pull yourself out of it, to change your circumstance.  If you choose not to do so and, instead, wallow in it, do not bemoan your decision - it is your decision.  You also have the choice to change your decisions.

The storms shall always pass.  Be patient, and let your choices be the right ones.

"Giving up is conceding that things will never get better, and that is just not true. Ups and downs are constant in life, and I've been belted into that roller coaster a thousand times."

-- Aimee Mullins, athlete, actress, double amputee

Editor's Note:  

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion.  It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other.  An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so.

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion and debate in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth.  After over twenty years as a military intelligence analyst, planner, and briefer, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human.  God's test for us is what we do afterward, and what we learn from the experience.
  

Pastor Frank Anthony Villari

Pastor Tony is founder of the Congregation for Religious Tolerance and author/editor of the Congregation's official blog site, "The Path."

The Path We Take

"It's your road, and yours alone.  Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you."

-- Rumi (1207-1273), Islamic scholar, Persian poet, jurist, theologian

It would be marvelous if the path we take, the personal path we must all discover, were a pleasant walk through the beautiful forest of life; no twist or turns, no barriers to our journey, with signs and arrows to ensure we make it to our destination, and railing to keep us on the path and out of danger.  I have been to many parks that are set up with visitor safety in mind, and have left poorer for the experience.You learn nothing if you aren't allowed to step off the path occasionally.

Like most of you, people send me email of the unusual.  Many time I find these may be of use in some future post.  Recently I received a collection of photos which depicted, for me, different paths.  There isn't anything eye opening in the photos, there is no expectation of epiphany for you, there are just a few pictures to consider when you look at your own path.

What I find in these photos, I have found along my own path in life.  The cobblestone path, atop the crumbling arch bridging some crevasse, left by many that have traveled their own path before me.  The worn steps, cut into the side of the cliff, informing that this direction has been found useful by others, enough so that they put in a permanent stairway to the top.  But, you might be concerned over the idea this path hasn't been used for many years.  This would be the path less traveled.  Anyone can travel the path well trod, but true knowledge can be discovered on these forks in the road.  Where this path is less traveled and, perhaps, in disrepair, it offers a certain appeal that comes with age.  The imagination can run wild with romantic tales.

You can find a path to travel, you can follow in the footsteps of those that have gone before, or you can blaze your own trail for others that may choose to come after; it is your choice.  I find it a bit unnerving when I see some of the paths others have taken in life.  There are times I have to ask myself, "What in God's name were they thinking?"  Why would you take this path?  Too hard to go over the mountain?  Too treacherous to navigate the craggy canyon below?  Too far to go around?  Or maybe they constructed the path because - they could.  They found themselves up to the challenge.  Those that follow can marvel at the engineering and learn for some future moment when they, also, may find use of the time they passed this way.

Personally, I find my "pucker factor" meter pegs to the "Oh, Hell No!" end of the scale, when faced with paths like these.  It reminds me of why I don't jump out of perfectly good aircraft wearing parachutes packed by some disgruntled person going through a nasty divorce.  Or what goes through my mind when someone hands me a "batsuit," like they really expect that I'm going to launch myself off a skyscraper so I can glide like a dart into the side of a concrete building, 50 floors up.  These are the paths traveled by "roughnecks" that work the high steel without harness or safety rope.  This is a spiritual path that only those few fearless pioneers will ever experience.  Does it make them close to God?  It certainly offers them the opportunity of meeting the Almighty much sooner than the rest of us.

When you make the decision to take this fork in your road, you do so with full knowledge that you put your life in the hands of those that built these sideroads.  There may be no safety rope if you run into trouble; you are at the mercy of what may come and relying on your own abilities to get you through.  On the road sign up ahead it may read, "The Twilight Zone."  It might also read, "Last Chance for Gas!" which might not bode well for your particular "pucker factor."

But, there are alway opportunities for other trails that, though not as exciting, offer an ample opportunity to enjoy God's greatness without the danger of missing the rest of your personal journey due to the rabid stupidity of thrill seeking.  These are interesting trails where you see the glory of creation, meet interesting folks and, occasionally, find that the five mile hike really took you out of your way only to wind up at some dead end rest area at the bottom of some Grand Canyon, at sunset.  Okay, so everything involves a bit of risk, its all a matter of degree.

Sitting at home and vegetating is not a path, it is a permanent rest stop.  You might find an opportunity to grow, though doubtful as it will not afford you the opportunity to interact with the the colors, noises, rides, and fattening foods, that are the carnival of mankind.  God expects you to find a path for, without a path how do you expect to journey to God's kingdom?  How do you expect to experience all the gifts that God has laid before you? 

If you have chosen the right path, you will know.  The path will not be a selfish one, and it will lead where all paths ultimately lead.  Your path will be like a stairway with multiple landings, halls, and rooms.  Each landing may represent a different lifetime, each hallway a different experience, each room a chance to spend a little time; some will be heavenly enjoyable, some will be like going through hell, some may be hell, but all will be a lesson to learn.

Time is something we all have an infinite supply of.  Do not be too quick to arrive at your destination as there is so much to learn and enjoy along the way.  There will be many experiences and opportunities to cross paths with others.  As you grow spiritually, through the experiences of your journey, you will feel the path narrow, a sign that you are approaching the ultimate destination for all of us.  It is, afterall, the path we take.

Don't hesitate to travel a difficult path if that is the direction your heart is leading.  Along the way you will fill your  personal toolbox with the skill set needed to be successful in education, business, relationships... life.

-- Anonymous

Editor's Note:  

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion.  It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other.  An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so.

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion and debate in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth.  After over twenty years as a military intelligence analyst, planner, and briefer, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human.  God's test for us is what we do afterward, and what we learn from the experience.
  

Pastor Frank Anthony Villari

Pastor Tony is founder of the Congregation for Religious Tolerance and author/editor of the Congregation's official blog site, "The Path."