Consequences Unintended

“People like to say love is unconditional, but it's not, and even if it was unconditional, it's still never free. There's always an expectation attached. They always want something in return. Like they want you to be happy or whatever and that makes you automatically responsible for their happiness because they won't be happy unless you are ... I just don't want that responsibility.”

-- Katja Millay, author, educator

Every decision has a risk of unforeseen consequences. Every action we take runs the risk of unforeseen damage. The ripples we cause, during just one day, have the possibility of causing untold destruction. As is usual in life, the good and the beauty we create can be taken in stride, barely noticed, and unmentioned, but if you create just one turd watch how quickly people notice, loudly proclaim a foul, and take offense.

We travel through our lives like the little old lady that cuts you off in traffic.  Bless her pea-pickin' heart, she has no clue of the death and destruction she leaves in her wake.  So it is for many of us as we plow through the garden of our lives, not realizing when we cross the property line into our neighbor's yard.  These are unintended consequences and, often times, being unintended does nothing to ease the heartache or the anger.  Our desire for understanding comes later, if at all.

“Lots of things can be fixed. Things can be fixed. But many times, relationships between people cannot be fixed, because they should not be fixed. You're aboard a ship setting sail, and the other person has joined the inland circus or is boarding a different ship, and you just can't be with each other anymore. Because you shouldn't be.”

-- C. JoyBell C., author

When I was in high school I, like most young men, fell madly in love.  In reality, I didn't know love from the back seat of a Toyota, but it felt "madly" to me.  After a couple of years, she just walked away and wanted nothing to do with me; no explanation other than I saw her with someone else a few days after.  Thirty years later I finally, unexpectedly, catch up to her at a class reunion.  We danced and I was able to ask her why.  Someone told her I was seeing another girl behind her back.  What?  Who?  Rumors and propaganda ruled the day, yet no one bothered to fact check.

"Rumours should be juicy and gossips must be mouth-watering since they have to uplift and make people feel better. Tittle-tattle can have a swift ripple effect and when the ball is rolling very fast, it kick-starts a flood of moral destruction."

-- Erik Pevernagie, artist, writer

Turns out someone had seen me with this other girl, and don't I just wish there was merit to it.  But, there wasn't.  This other girl and I were just friends.  But, that didn't stop my "girlfriend" from taking the rumor as fact and running with it.  Of course, the fact she was with another guy just a couple of days later didn't escape my notice.

I thought about her for thirty years.  My first true love.

“When you don't talk, there's a lot of stuff that ends up not getting said.”

-- Catherine Gilbert Murdock, author

Unintended consequences of decisions and actions, taken with or without much thought and for all the right or wrong reasons, by you or by someone else, and without question or explanation, could probably be mitigated with just a smidgen of honest, upfront, communication.

I make such decisions myself, without much thought, as guilty as everyone else.  The difference for me is two-fold; my recognition of countless tsunami-sized ripples radiating from my mistake, and my sincere desire for damage control through opening up all lines of communication.  In the aftermath, it's always a good idea to wade into the damage and see if anyone is hurt and to, for God's sake, apologize for any misunderstanding.

Sometimes we just aren't paying attention.  My own attention span seems to suffer a deficit, from time to time.  I'm like the little old lady in traffic, or like the proverbial bull in a china shop.  I have instances where the first inkling I have that something has gone horribly wrong is when I realize I'm standing there like a deer in the headlights as someone's emotional Mack truck runs my ignorant ass over, backs up, and runs over me again.  I get an emotional butt whippin' all the time, and sometimes I think they're really targeting someone else, but I happen to be available.  When someone is pissed, it seems any stationary target will do.  I think I need remedial training in the art of bobbing, weaving, and just getting out of the way.

Maybe I should just learn to grow roses.

“And each ripple builds and builds into the tidal wave of anarchy to which we are now doomed.”

-- Brian Michael Bendis, comic book writer and artist

We all need to be cognizant of the ripples we cause that affect others around us. It would be even better if we could learn to think ahead before we make a decision, act upon the decision, or open our big mouths. My mouth is one of my biggest faults. Mom always said my mouth would get me into trouble, and I find a perverse need to masochistically keep proving her right.

We could all become hermits and grow roses, or we could grow thick skins and learn to communicate with one another.  We should learn not to judge until we have all the facts.  Besides, one wouldn't think giving fresh roses would help smooth things over with men, although, nowadays...

“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.”

-- Roy T. Bennett (1939-2014) businessman, politician

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.