Misery Loves Company?

"Oftentimes, when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps."

-- Lemony Snicket, author, musician

Over the years I have received my fair share of mail bemoaning one's misery.  My only response to these poor souls is to stop being miserable.  It isn't that I don't care; it's simply that my point of reference for their attitude was left so many years behind me that I remember little of it.  When faced with even the possibility of misery, I immediately work to change my circumstances.  I just don't want to entertain misery in my life.  There is no point to it, other than begetting more misery.

I have found that many people who contact me aren't really interested in any advice or comfort.  Rather, they seem more interested in using my shoulder to bleed all over, and this is fine.  I've developed broad shoulders, so there's plenty of virtual canvas to cover.  One aspect of being a pastor is to listen to the woes of others, and then give some much sought after constructive advice on changing their circumstance.

Unfortunately, there are those who are content to wallow in their pit of misery and despair.  More unfortunate, though, is when they insist on dragging others into the pit with them.  Oh, hell no!  These cherished few seem taken aback when I refuse to feed the drama they proffer with platitudes in what we both know will be a never-ending exercise in futility.  This is my preferred tact:  You bleed, I listen, I feel your pain, I offer advice, now you have a decision to make; either I'm refusing to buy into the misery, I'm full of shit, or I really have something to offer, to consider.  Nobody can teach someone else anything, all we can do is mentor, open another door to possibilities, offer up what we think we know.  Making the choice to take action is up to each individual.  Only you can make the conscious choice to change your circumstances.

"Some people are so addicted to their misery that they will destroy anything that gets in the way of their fix."

-- Bryant McGill, author, activist

The best advice I can give people living in what they think of as "constant misery" is to change their attitude.  Easy, right?  This is exactly what they don't want to hear, but it is exactly what they need to understand and embrace.  Nothing permanent happens without an impetus for change, and that impetus must come from the person wanting change or all is for naught.  No one else can walk your path for you.  Others people can mentor you in a more constructive direction, but it is up to you to embrace the advice, implement change and learn to walk your own path.

Our misery may be one lesson or it may be comprised of many.  These are lessons we have laid in front of ourselves, or others have placed in front of us for any number of reasons or, perhaps, for no reason at all.  We can worry over them, go around them, or work on them, as each situation dictates.  For myself, when a lesson crops up multiple times, I've already been there and done that; I simply let it go.  I have so much more to occupy my time than letting unnecessary drama into my life.

"We generally fancy ourselves more miserable than we are, for want of taking a true estimate of things; wherefore we fly into transports without reason, and judge of the happiness or calamity of human life, by false lights."

-- Wellins Calcott (1726-1779), author

Unnecessary drama is something we have control over.  Necessary drama, on the other hand, is drama over which we have no control and cannot escape without being totally heartless assholes.  For instance, when my father recently died, that was drama I could do nothing about.  It was a family drama, one which I expected, sooner or later, and drama I was more than willing to accept for the sake of my mother.  It is what a son does, and I am fine with that.  No harm, no foul.  This is drama I will work through to its ultimate conclusion, and learn much from in preparation for my own inescapable demise.

"Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief."

-- C. S. Lewis (1898-1963), author, theologian, academician

Unnecessary drama is that which we, usually, invite upon ourselves.  We wallow in the misery of it because, generally, we don't understand it or know how to deal with it.  We may not be willing not to just walk away from it, for reasons which escape us.  Perhaps we have become perpetually miserable and see no reason to change our masochistic tendency?  Unnecessary drama is drama best left alone.  Shake your head at the insanity of it, smile knowingly, and simply walk away from it.  If walking away doesn't work, try running.  Life is much too short for this kind of bullshit.

"I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our disposition and not on our circumstances."

-- Martha Washington (1731-1802), inaugural First lady of the U.S.

Our desire for happiness is all about our attitude.  It is about how we approach life and the good decisions we make.  It is recognizing bad decisions for what they are and knowing how to change the circumstances we have cause ourselves by agreeing to buy into the decision.

"Happy people find a way to live with their problems, and miserable people let their problems stop them from living."

-- Sonya Parker, actress, author

Are there repercussions to bad decisions?  Absolutely.  Will it take work to overcome the circumstances and change them for the better?  Absolutely.  It is called life, learn to deal with it.  Understand it is just another series of lessons we need to learn, another series of tasks to be accomplished, and smile at the countless opportunities to accel in your life.  The more we learn about anything, the easier anything becomes.  Change is the only universal constant, so it might be better for all concerned if we learn to make the best changes possible.

Don't spend so much time concerned about those things in your life which cause you grief.  Better to be wrapped up in those things which cause you to smile and be happy.  The glass isn't half empty, it's almost full.  Stop looking for the negative and start looking for the positive. If it's possible, let everything else go.  Try putting all your effort into making yourself happy.  Start by deciding to change your life for the better.   If nothing else, start each day by smiling.  

Start now.

"Miserable people focus on the things they hate about their life. Happy people focus on the things they love about their life."

-- Sonya Parker, actress, author

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.

Path of Obstacles

Obstacles do not block the path, they are the path. 

– Zen Proverb

"Obstacles do not block the path, they are the path."  A gentleman recently mentioned this line he quoted from Proverbs, in the Bible.  The Bible?  I had to come home and look it up because I didn't remember that particular quote coming from biblical scripture.  I remembered reading it somewhere, however, and it turns out I was right.  I read it years ago.  The quote is from a proverb, but a Zen Buddhist proverb, not a biblical one.  Where it originated, however, detracts little from the truth of it.

During my talks, especially as chaplain at the medical center, I constantly tout the virtues of obstacles along our personal path.  The problems we encounter in life are nothing more than lessons to be learned, tests to be taken, and tasks to complete, as we graduate from one aspect of our life to another.  Obstacles prepare us to move on from this life, this existence, and transition into the next.

"If you miss the present moment, you miss your appointment with life. That is very serious!"

-- Thich Nhat Hanh, monk, Zen Master

Obstacles are a means of discovery.  I often tell my PTSD audience that failure should not be viewed as a bad thing.  Failure is the way we truly learn.  If you don't do something wrong, how do you truly know if you are doing it right?  When we were born, we learned to walk, and we fell often until we learned to do it right, and then we moved forward and learned to run.  Life is full of lessons.  Learn from the past to be engaged in the present.  The present is what it is until it isn't.  Don't concern yourself with the future, as it will arrive regardless of our concerns and, once again, it will be what it is, the present.

What we consider to be difficult is only so until we become good at it, and then we wonder why we ever thought it was.  Carpe Diem!  Seize upon each day as if it were your last.  Constantly smile, if for no other reason than to make those around you wonder why.  If we approach each morning with sincere thanks for another chance to excel in life, we begin our day with an attitude which can be nothing more than acceptant of the tasks ahead.  Have no expectations.  Don't look at the "in-basket" of work to be done but, rather, complete each task as you get to it and then move on to the next.

"Do not allow the future to trouble your mind; for you will come to it, if come you must, bringing with you the same reason that you now apply to the affairs of the present."

-- Marcus Aurelius (121-180 A.D.), Roman emperor, Stoic philosopher

Don't concern yourself over those things for which you have no control.  Life is a series of tests which involve choices and consequences.  Make good choices and get good consequences.  Inversely, make bad choices and get bad consequences.  If you don't pass the test, learn from your mistake and make a better choice until you arrive at the consequence you seek.  The only failure in life is when we stop living it.  We will find truth in Heraclitus' philosophy, "The only thing that is constant is change."  Changes will occur regardless of our attempts to prevent them.  Better to learn from the change, make adjustments, and move on.

"This is the real secret of life – to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play."

-- Alan Watts (1915-1973), author, theologist, Zen Buddhist

Anger accomplishes nothing and reveals much.  Honesty is an easier pill to swallow if it isn't washed down with vinegar.  Learn how to communicate.  I learned my communication skills in the military.  Learn to listen respectfully, ask questions when appropriate, and then respond respectfully.  Clear communication is a method of mitigating obstacles.

My personal path has been rife with obstacles, some large, most small, but all have been an impetus for change.  Everything depends on everything else.  We are nothing without those around us, and if we think we are, we are alone.  We cannot be viewed as something without someone else to view us.  We cannot use a tool without a tool to use.  We cannot recognize dark without knowing light, bitter without knowing sweet, peace without knowing anger, or a clear path without encountering obstacles.  

To everything, there must be an opposite. To everything, there must also be a balance.  When the irresistible force meets the immovable object, something will happen.  Some change will occur.  The change will be balanced equally, by the universe, in some way.  I have witnessed, many times, when one door closed and another opened, when one opportunity was missed and another presented itself.  I have heard people state that this never happens to them.  I would say, they were too wrapped up in the loss to see it.

Obstacles are a part of this game of life.  Obstacles are God's way of teaching us to play the game.  Learn to play, and have fun doing it.

"Our actions may be impeded, but there can be no impeding our intentions or dispositions. Because we can accommodate and adapt. The mind adapts and converts to its own purposes the obstacle to our acting. The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way."

-- Marcus Aurelius (121-180 A.D.), Roman emperor, Stoic philosopher

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.

State of Grace

Divine grace is a theological term present in many religions. It has been defined as the divine influence which operates in humans to regenerate and sanctify, to inspire virtuous impulses, and to impart strength to endure trial and resist temptation; and as an individual virtue or excellence of divine origin.

-- Wikipedia

I like to think of "grace" in other than Christian, or theological, terms.  What if the universe simply imparts individual virtue to those who open their minds to the possibility of it?  What if "divine grace" is simply a universal force which makes each of us strive to be more than we are; more virtuous, excellent, and graceful than we might otherwise be?  What if we leave theology out of the equation and just do in our lives that which is right and virtuous, simply because it is right and virtuous?  We all know what right and virtuous is, so why don't we exercise it in our lives?  Maybe we do.  Maybe it isn't as difficult as clergy would make it seem.

Many people are turned off by religion because of religious scripture and, more to the point, the sheer volume of it.  My own mother laments of her childhood and having been turned off to religion by a father who forced biblical scripture down her throat.  Where in scripture does it say to do this?  Where does it say to write scripture?  To go to the synagogue or church?  As to this latter, refer to Matthew 6:5-8.

"Grace isn't a little prayer you chant before receiving a meal. It's a way to live. The law tells me how crooked I am. Grace comes along and straightens me out." 
-- Dwight Lyman Moody (1837-1899), evangelist

What we know as "Holy Scripture" began with Moses, over 1400 years before the birth of Jesus Christ.  Moses is responsible for the first five of the thirty-nine books of the Old Testament, the "Jewish Bible."  The Council of Nicea, in 325 A.D., and the First Council of Constantinople, in 381 A.D., decided which books of scripture should be accepted as pertinent.  

St. Jerome, four centuries after the death of Christ, chose the next twenty-seven books for the New Testament" and compiled all sixty-six books into one volume for the first time, thus continuing the historical mistranslations and misinterpretations of the written word of man "inspired" by God.  In 1604 A.D., the "King James Version" added an "intertestamental section" containing 14 more ancient texts.

Truth be known, there is only one source, one true "WORD" of God, written in stone, if the Old Testament is to be believed:  The Ten Commandments.  Yes, life is truly that simple.  I don't think the supreme power in the universe ever intended life to be as difficult as "organized" religion has made it.  The people were simple, so why shouldn't the commandments be simple enough for them to understand and comply with?  Yes, and no.  Do, and do not.  Life is that simple.

"Grace can neither be bought, earned, or won by the creature. If it could be, it would cease to be grace."

-- Arthur W. Pink (1866-1952, evangelical author, biblical teacher

If we accept that life is that simple, then a "state of grace" would be found in adhering to the tenets of the Ten Commandments or, for adherents of Buddhist philosophy, the "Noble Eightfold Path" of righteousness taught by Buddha some 2500 years ago, or the enhanced "Twelvefold Path."  Most world religions have some simple version of these rules for righteous behavior.  How complicated the interpretation of those rules become are the responsibility of the clergy involved with any "organized" religion.  The moment an idea is written down, mankind will, ultimately, muck it up.  It is, after all, what we're so very good at doing - thinking and screwing stuff up.

As for Christianity, some brilliant philosopher (Jesus Christ) compressed the Ten Commandments down to one "Golden Rule" which can be found in Leviticus 19:18 and Matthew 7:12, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  Simple.

"Grace is the very opposite of merit... Grace is not only undeserved favor, but it is favor, shown to the one who has deserved the very opposite."

-- Harry Ironside (1876-1951), theologian, pastor, author

So, what is this "State of Grace" we should strive for?  How about just treating each other right, for a change?  Treat each other with respect and honesty.  Help each other to find a better path.  Be tolerant of each other's peaceful and honorable belief systems.  Be a light in the darkness which others can congregate around and follow the righteous example of. It starts with moral, honest, and ethical conduct.  To not be perpetually offended.  To always try and find the good and the beauty in everything.

I'm saddened when I see how our government leaders have strayed from this idea of righteous behavior toward each other. They have long forgotten how to treat one another.  Pointing the fickle finger of blame seems to be all they can accomplish.  They have no direction.  They have lost mutual respect and honesty.  They've lost the righteousness we expect from the elected officials we pay to lead us and, as a consequence, we seem to be following their prime example with our own lack of ethical conduct toward each other.  Perhaps we need to make better choices for who we expect to accomplish the task of running our government, for who we look up to for guidance, and for whom we pay for an "honest" day's work.

A state of grace?  Sometimes I wonder if it exists, and then I see the innocence in a child's eyes and I remember the truth of the unique "grace" which is gifted to each of us.

“You were born into a state of grace. It is impossible for you to leave it. You will die in a state of grace whether or not special words are spoken for you, or water or oil is poured upon your head. You share this blessing with the animals and all other living things. You cannot fall out of grace, nor can it be taken from you. You can ignore it. You can hold beliefs that blind you to its existence. You will still be graced but unable to perceive your own uniqueness and integrity, and blind also to other attributes with which you are automatically gifted.”

-- Jane Roberts (1929-1984), author, poet, psychic

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.

Faith

“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.”

-- Jim Valvano (1946-1993), basketball player, coach

What is faith?  Can you have faith and not know what faith is?  Most of us have a definition to suit what we believe, and belief is a major part of having a sense of faith.  At its most basic, faith is a belief in something for which there is little or no proof.  And, most important to this post, if you don't have faith in yourself how can you have faith in anything else?  

I have heard clergy state that if you have faith in God you will find faith in yourself.  I argue that if you can't find undying faith in yourself, how will you possibly know you have undying faith in something greater than yourself?  I have faith that God will help those who help themselves.  Some will argue that the effort was all theirs and that God had little to do with it.  I suppose my answer to them would be, I have faith that my love for the very young and helpless will give me the fortitude to bravely go into a burning building to rescue them.  I will pray for God to give me the strength to survive it.  Will I have survived it anyway?  Maybe, or maybe not.  But, I have found the faith to love and to sacrifice.  Faith in something greater than myself is not a great stretch.

“If you can’t believe in miracles, then believe in yourself. When you want something bad enough, let that drive push you to make it happen. Sometimes you’ll run into brick walls that are put there to test you. Find a way around them and stay focused on your dream. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

-- Isabel Lopez, actress

I believe that God, whatever "God" is, has endowed us with an inner sense to discover ourselves and have faith in ourselves.  I believe that, with this, God has shown faith in us, in our abilities, abilities for which God had given us control.  We can do or not, succeed or fail, try again or give up.  You only know what you know until you fail and, in failure, you will learn more than if you succeed.  This is how we own our life.  It is a continuing cycle of existence which we have been blessed to be a part of.  

Am I right?  I don't know.  I have no proof on which to scientifically base my beliefs.  I can only have faith.  But, I have to ask, how can you truly love unless you know what love is?  How can you have faith unless you know what faith is?  Love yourself first, then show others how you love as the impetus for their own discovery.  Put on your oxygen mask first, before assisting the passenger next to you.  Discover faith in you.  Doctor, heal thy self!

“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.”

-- Søren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855), philosopher, theologian, poet

Only you can save yourself.  Discover that which is inside you and learn.  Fall down and get back up.  Have faith that you can do, and learn more from failure.  Have faith that you will, sooner or later, succeed.  Be as happy in your trials and failures as you are in your successes.  Find your own, personal faith and revel in it.  Be an example of personal faith for others to follow.  

Understand that this is the journey of your existence.  Only you can walk your path.  While on your path you must constantly ask, "Why?"  

Discovery is what we do, and discovering spiritual faith is another part of who we are.  When you are ready, take everything you have learned about faith and go discover your personal spirituality.  Go discover your God.

“The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings.”

-- J.M. Barrie (1860-1937), novelist, playwright

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.

Flag Day - 2019

"The American flag doesn't give her glory on a peaceful, calm day. It's when the winds pick up and become boisterous, do we see her strength. When she unfolds her hand and shows her frayed fingers, where we see the stretch of red-blood lines of man that fought for this land."

-- Anthony Liccione, soldier, author

Self-proclaimed "Author of Life" Anthony T. Hincks raised a question, "As we raise our national flag do we also raise our hatred and ignorance?"  Is this true?  Absolutely, if you're a member of my favorite group, the League of the Perpetually Offended.  If so, you are perpetually hateful and ignorant, and we expect nothing more from you than you expect of life - hate and ignorance.

A flag is nothing more than a piece of cloth.  As with Holy Scripture, our national flag represents what "we the people" interpret it to represent.  In reality, however, the current flag was intended to represent hardiness, valor, purity, innocence, vigilance, perseverance, and justice.  There is no mention of divisiveness, hatred, racism, intolerance, inequality, and other such negativity which are the purview of those perpetually offended folks who have a hard time targeting the appropriate offenders to their belief systems or are just too lazy to fight the good fight.  They demand a tolerance which they, for the most part, refuse to exercise toward others. 

"That flag is a symbol we attach our emotions to, but it isn't the emotion itself and it isn't the thing we really care about. Sometimes we don't even realize what we really care about, because we get so distracted by the symbols."

-- Tom Wolfe (1930-2018), author, journalist 

1960's civil rights activist Fannie Lou Hamer (1917-1977) wrote, "Every red stripe in that flag represents the black man's blood that has been shed."  Does it?  If the black men who shed that blood represented the hardiness and valor which those red stripes represent then, yes, they do.  Disc jockey and radio personality Adrian Cronauer put this in a better light, in my humble opinion: "Martin Luther King, Jr. didn't carry just a piece of cloth to symbolize his belief in racial equality; he carried the American flag."  Of course, he did, because Martin Luther King, Jr. had great hopes for his nation, this nation.

For every intelligent student of history this flag has represented an undeniable ideology put forth by our founding fathers, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness."  The flag of the United States of America represents the unalienable rights of all people to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  Most of all, it represents a belief that all people are created equal and should, therefore, be given equal opportunity to succeed in their pursuits.

If one asks me the meaning of our flag, I say to him:  It means all that the Constitution of our people, organizing for justice, for liberty, and for happiness, meant.  Our flag carries ideas, American history, and American feelings.  This American flag was the safeguard of liberty.  It was an ordinance of liberty by the people, for the people.  That it meant, that it means, and, by the blessing of God, that it shall mean to the end of time!"

-- Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887), abolitionist, clergyman, social reformer

Our flag is a symbol of our country's desire to be the best we can be.  Do we fail?  Yes, but we try to learn from our mistakes and move forward in unity.  Our flag should never be used by our citizens as a focal point for protests and political activism, or as a scapegoat for the inequities in our society.  This evidences disrespect for a country which gives these folks the very rights they demand, and yet already have.  It is disrespect for all of those who fought and died to preserve these rights which these few naysayers now abuse for some selfish agenda which would be better displayed some other way.  It evidences ignorance of the freedom fought for by our patriots and guaranteed by this country's laws, for people to peacefully protest or be political activists.  Like a rabid dog, the perpetually offended constantly bite the very hand which feeds them the right to be perpetually offended.

Don't blame the flag for inequities in the system.  Better yet, instead of assigning blame, try working to fix the problem.  Instead of whining, try being the voice of reason and unity.  This country gives us all the same rights, exercise them.  If you feel like you're being held back by some entity, there is legal recourse available to try and solve any perceived wrong.  Most of all, I recommend doing something our education system seems to fail at - learn history.

Learn real history.  What the South calls "that little unpleasantness," the Civil War, might be a good starting point.  Ask yourself, if it was all about slavery, why both sides finally considered freeing the slaves three years into the conflict, and who the North sent to pick cotton when it was all over.  Better yet, learn recent history, like the 20th and 21st century.  Learn about the failures of socialism, communism, Nazism, terrorism, and then look at who we have as elected officials in government, and be very afraid of the path we are on.  As a nation, we have always endeavored to be smarter than this.

Oh, and one last point which really has nothing to do with the flag, but just pisses me off.  For God's sake, quit quoting Martin Luther King, Jr. out of context.  If someone quotes the good Doctor, look up the entire quote before buying into someone's racially divisive bullshit, and just because they marched with Dr. King doesn't make them the next Dr. King.  Just saying, "Reverend" Sharpton.

Note to my readers:  If you have questions concerning respect for the U.S. flag or flag etiquette, please visit the following link:  "Flag Etiquette"

"Sure I wave the American flag. Do you know a better flag to wave? Sure I love my country with all her faults. I'm not ashamed of that, never have been, never will be."

-- John Wayne (1907-1979), actor, Medal of Freedom recipient

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.

Grief

“Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.”

-- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910), author

Leo Tolstoy wrote, "Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them."  Leo was one of the greatest writers of all time, but this quote evidences little understanding of love.  If we take what he says as truth, not just a fiction, then the reverse must also follow in that only those who suffer greatly are capable of loving strongly.  I also have issues with the last part of this quote, "but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them."  Did he actually do any research on the loss of the so very dearly beloved?  I think not.  What he espouses is what everyone would like to believe.  It's what we tell those who experience great loss, hoping it eases the loss they feel.  Problem is, the loss is still there, buried.  Objectively, grief exists.  Grief is a fact.  Subjectively, grief affects everyone differently depending on their personal perspectives, feelings, or opinions.  They may not show it, but it's there nonetheless. 

My grandmother died when I was young.  I took it hard. as most young people might.  Between being young and now, I was hardened toward death in the military.  Death happens.  People die.  Spiritual philosophies explain death as moving into another plane of existence, another reality, the next great adventure.  You can't escape death; when it's your time to go, it's your time.  General George S. Patton would advise against dying in battle for your country but, rather, to make some other poor, dumb, bastard die for his.  I like the way George thought.  But that is dying in war, not in some hospital bed because your body is failing, or being scraped off some roadway.  Not that it really matters.  To those who love us and will miss us, dead is dead.  As for those who are dead, they have already moved on.

In the most recent post on my blog, I shared that my father had only recently past away.  I didn't cry at his passing, though I did prior to that, seeing him as a shadow of his former self and knowing he would not want it.  He couldn't speak, but he emphasized as much by waving his finger "no" when I notified him his beloved friends were coming into town to visit mom.  He wanted no visitors to see him like he was.  I didn't judge him.

The morning he passed I stood bedside and said a few words to him.  Things he would now understand.  He looked like he was sleeping.  I hadn't kissed my dad for years, but I kissed him on the forehead; a last, gentle kiss, and then I left.  I would not see him again.  I didn't cry.

“But grief makes a monster out of us sometimes . . . and sometimes you say and do things to the people you love that you can't forgive yourself for.”

-- Melina Marchetta, author, educator

Our relationship was rocky for the past few years.  I blame myself more than him.  His mind was a victim of chemo for previous cancer, which he defeated.  His mind was balancing what he was prior to his cancer and the future first stroke with what more he'd lost in health after the second and third.  I was angry with myself that I couldn't cope gracefully with watching him fail.  He was supposed to be more, always more, even to the end, and he wasn't.  I embrace that my disappointment was in myself, more than in him.

My eyes well up, but I haven't truly cried.  Mom and I are standing firm, though I don't know what she does in private.  What I do know is that Leo Tolstoy, in my humble opinion, doesn't have a clue about grief.  I also know that what doesn't kill you also doesn't make you stronger.  Some of us morph into something we're not.  Some of us bury our grief.  Some of us become less than we are.  We think we're stronger because we wear a fragile facade in order to move forward in life.  We're not.

One day, soon, I will break down.  It will build up inside of me and simply overflow.  I will cry because I miss him, not because he died.  Dying is a part of our continuing journey.  I will keep raising a glass and wishing him well, wherever his next adventure has placed him.  I hope he is reaching for the stars.

One last thought about Tolstoy's quote:

The tears I feel today

I'll wait to shed tomorrow.

Though I'll not sleep this night

Nor find surcease from sorrow.

My eyes must keep their sight:

I dare not be tear-blinded.

I must be free to talk

Not choked with grief, clear-minded.

My mouth cannot betray

The anguish that I know.

Yes, I'll keep my tears til later:

But my grief will never go.

-- Anne McCaffrey (1926-2011), author

The Passing of My Dad

Domenic Joseph Villari (1930-2019)

There are ways we prefer to remember those we love, those who are no longer with us, those who pass on to their next great adventure.  I like remembering my father as a good looking Sicilian who married my mother.

Mom was from Taylorsville, Mississippi; dad from Providence, Rhode Island.  They met in Texas after he joined the Air Force during the Korean War.  He never made it in-country and spent the conflict repairing gunnery cameras for the bombers returning to Japan.  When he left the service he applied for a fledgling federal organization and never heard back from them until we had all moved out to sunny California for a chance to open a photographic equipment repair shop in a camera store there.  NASA was a bit late with an offer to run their photographic section.

California was still a land of opportunity for those who knew where the money was, and it was all over the place, in real estate.  He and mom made "modest" investments and, after many years of rising State taxes, sold most of their holdings and moved back to the South, to Pass Christian, Mississippi, where they bought properties in Timber Ridge.  They finally finished their final home (after losing it prior to moving in, to Hurricane Katrina) on Second Street, near War Memorial Park., a couple of blocks from the beach.

He loved to cook, to make canes and walking sticks, and to watch the stock market and invest.  He was never truly in his element unless he had a project.  His latest ongoing project was in support of the regional animal shelter to which he gave much money and supplies over the past years.

After several strokes and winning a battle with prostate cancer, he was still a force to be reckoned with.  He could be a belligerent and kind.  He would arm-wrestle a bid down to what he wanted, and then give a bonus when the job was done well.  Each stroke changed his personality in ways which we all had to accept.  He would alienate those he would normally cherish.  I think the cancer meds began this personality disorder and the strokes just exacerbated it.  What pissed him off the most was that he couldn't do the simplest of tasks without asking for help.  He hated asking for help.  But, in the end, he fought the good fight.  Life didn't beat him down, the final massive stroke did.  He was almost 89 and bragged that he had outlived all the men in his family by double.  It occurs to me that I've almost accomplished the same feat.

He is survived by his wife, me, his grandson,  granddaughter and two great-grandchildren.  Dad will be cremated, next week, and his ashes spread with those of his beloved pets, as was his wish.  Where he felt all of his old friends had died before him, he made a few "younger" friends here in the Pass, many who called him "dad" as a greeting.  He will be missed.

There is much I never told my dad. Things I did in the service and couldn't talk about, philosophies I knew he wouldn't understand and disagreements with his which I kept to myself.  I never really told him I loved him until he couldn't answer me back; until he was lying in the hospital bed and I would stroke his hair and kiss his forehead.  He knew, and I will miss him.

Life Is That Easy

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”

-- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865), statesman, politician, lawyer

Every morning, as I'm dragging my butt out of bed, I thank God for another glorious day in paradise and another chance to excel at whatever challenges God may see fit to throw my way. Will I succeed in those challenges? Hope for the best, and be prepared to embrace failure. Failure is how we learn to succeed. We learn from what happens. We tweak the process and try again. We prepare to teach others from our experiences. The reason I don't get too upset about my failures is that tomorrow is another chance to excel in life; another chance to make things right. What is passed is past, so why fret over it?  The future is not written, so why be concerned about those things which haven't happened.  The present, the now, this is where we are and all we need concern ourselves with.  Today is when we review the lessons from yesterday, revel in our successes or plan to do better, or make necessary amends in preparation to move forward.  Always be prepared to move forward, because tomorrow is another gift; another chance to excel in this glorious life.  After 65 years I have found... life is that easy.

“Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.”

-- Marthe Troly-Curtin, author

Failure is simply an opportunity to learn.  Failure to understand how you succeed can also lead to an opportunity to learn when you fail from your lack of this understanding.  Revel in your success, but understand how you succeeded so you are truly prepared to repeat the process.  Learn to enjoy the time taken to understand your success.  Life is that easy.

“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”

-- Steve Maraboli, author, speaker, behavioral scientist

I have found the greatest failures of my life have been those people who are perpetually offended.  No matter what I do or say they continue to push the agenda of that chip on their shoulder.  They either refuse to be happy or refuse to let others be happy.  These are relationships we are all better off getting shed of before divorcing ourselves of them becomes a sticky wicket.  These are people who don't require significant confrontation to ignore.  Smile and shake your head knowingly, then just walk away, just let go.  Make these people part of your history.  Life is that easy.

Dalai Lama XIV has said, “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”  The choices we make all come with consequences.  Good choices have good consequences, bad choices have bad ones, and it, therefore, stands to reason that questionable choices have questionable consequences.  We are in charge of our lives and, therefore, we are in charge of our happiness, as well.  Make good choices for your life.  Understand that your choices and actions can be the impetus for others to do better for themselves; you mentor by example, so be a good one.  Life is that easy.

“It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”

-- Dale Carnegie (1888-1955), writer, author, lecturer

Each morning, I wake up thanking God for another glorious day in paradise and another chance to excel in my life. Waking up is a gift. For me, waking up is enough. What trials and tribulations await me are of little consequence compared to the gift of another day and the chance to see what will come of it.  Piss people off by being happy.  Get over yourself and you will find getting over others to be so much easier.  Being happy is contagious.  The late actress Audrey Hepburn once said, “The most important thing is to enjoy your life, to be happy, it's all that matters.” It is important to understand that our happiness matters not only for ourselves but, also, for the happiness of those around us.  

We make our life harder than it needs to be.  We live our lives in anticipation of the next burden.   A burden is only a burden until it becomes second nature, a task to be accomplished.  We tend to be masochists, waiting for life to beat us down instead of waking with the intent to seize the day and roll with the punches.  Live to be happy and be happy in life.  Life is that easy.

Happiness is just another choice in life.  We can choose happiness or misery.  Choosing to be miserable would seem contrary to life.  It requires poor thinking on the part of those souls who embrace the concept of misery.  The only sane alternative is to choose to be constantly happy.  Sometimes I'm so happy I seem like a man possessed.  Mark Twain says, “Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.”  I challenge everyone to be so damned happy, all the time, that you seem possessed of some malady so infectious that others can't help but smile and wonder what you know that they don't.  What should you know, that they don't?  

Life is that easy!  

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.