"Happiness is a state of mind. It is a conscious choice that each of us must make, for ourselves, to be happy always."-- 'Lil Ol' Me
I can make you happy. I am, after all, responsible for your happiness. Oh, what the heck, I might as well accept responsibility for everyone's happiness, right? In this way you will be responsible for... what? Most people, whether they admit it, or not, tend to wallow in a pit of misery. How deep that pit is, depends on their state of mind. My own insignificant misery occurs when I'm interrupted. It lasts about a second; long enough for me to realize I slipped, long enough for me to smile and recover. Happiness is a state of mind. Happiness is your state of mind. Wrapping your mind around this concept is just the first step. Making your mind become it is, well, another matter.
"Every person's happiness is their own responsibility"
-- Abraham Lincoln
Everything around you should be anchored in happiness. If it isn't, it's probably drama so get rid of it. Misery is not necessary for enjoying life always.
When I see a beautiful young lady carrying a bunch of colorful balloons while running through a field at sunset, I am in misery. I'm torn between watching God's gift of the marvelous sunset behind her, the scent of the field she's running through, marveling at the brightly colored balloons dancing behind her, or being a letch and watching her shapely figure as the sun burns through her delicate outfit to imprint her silhouette on the whiteboard of my mind... or, maybe not. There are so many choices. But, I like to consider the "whole picture" as the sum of its parts, so my misery is short-lived in favor of simply smiling at the glory of it all.
When I see a beautiful young lady carrying a bunch of colorful balloons while running through a field at sunset, I am in misery. I'm torn between watching God's gift of the marvelous sunset behind her, the scent of the field she's running through, marveling at the brightly colored balloons dancing behind her, or being a letch and watching her shapely figure as the sun burns through her delicate outfit to imprint her silhouette on the whiteboard of my mind... or, maybe not. There are so many choices. But, I like to consider the "whole picture" as the sum of its parts, so my misery is short-lived in favor of simply smiling at the glory of it all.
When we have begun to take charge of our lives, to own ourselves, there is no longer any need to ask permission of someone.
-- George O’Neil (1896-1940), poet, plywright, novelist
I strive to be happy always. I do this because my own life has taught me the alternative really sucks. I allowed my life to take a downward spiral into personal hell about 20 years ago. I managed to recover most of it with the help of good friends, but hatred is insidious. The only thing standing between me and any form of happiness was this hatred. Why was it so awful for me? Well, I had managed to spend the first 47 years of my blessed life... not hating. Hatred was unfamiliar territory for me.
After five years of this hatred, someone dear reminded me that hatred will only eat me up inside. She was right. I had to accept the apology I knew I was never going to get. I learned to forgive the person I hated, the person who made me responsible for their happiness. By accepting this responsibility it was assumed I also accepted responsibility for their pit of misery, which I unwittingly allowed them to drag me into. I vowed not to judge the person any harsher than myself for a relationship that wasted 20 years of my life. It was simply a long and brutal lesson in love and relationships. After I forgave the person; I forgave myself. I made a vow to be happy always.
After five years of this hatred, someone dear reminded me that hatred will only eat me up inside. She was right. I had to accept the apology I knew I was never going to get. I learned to forgive the person I hated, the person who made me responsible for their happiness. By accepting this responsibility it was assumed I also accepted responsibility for their pit of misery, which I unwittingly allowed them to drag me into. I vowed not to judge the person any harsher than myself for a relationship that wasted 20 years of my life. It was simply a long and brutal lesson in love and relationships. After I forgave the person; I forgave myself. I made a vow to be happy always.
"Making someone responsible for your misery also makes them responsible for your happiness. Why give that power to anyone but yourself?"
-- Scott Stabile, author, speaker, self-help guru
No one is responsible for your happiness or misery. Life is all about the choices we make. We make choices and then we have to own them because, if we don't, we'll wear our bullshit on our forehead like a hot-pink sticky note we think no one else can see. Everyone makes mistakes and our happiness is predicated on how we handle the fallout from those mistakes. Honesty, though not pretty in such cases, always seems to be the best policy. Owning the results, learning from mistakes, asking advice, all help us move forward a bit happier in life.
"When you think everything is someone else's fault, you suffer a lot. When you realize everything springs only from yourself, you will learn both peace and joy."
-- Dalai Lama
My father, God rest him, always had a problem admitting his mistakes. He felt it diminished him in the eyes of others. He never saw mistakes as human failings we all make and can identify with; mistakes we can help others to learn from. I realized his disappointment in my failings was nothing more than a sad reflection of his own failings; disappointment in himself. It took me a long time to realize failure was okay; that I was okay. In the military, I found that failure was the best way to learn. Mistakes taught us all what not to do, or what to do better. We learned to plan for success and do be prepared for if it went south. We knew how to be prepared to mitigate mistakes because we'd done the failure routine.
I actually "grew up" in the military. This, also, might have threatened my dad. I was no longer just a son, I was another man in the house, and deserving of respect. I questioned. I communicated. I didn't necessarily agree. I had learned to manipulate. I could piss him off. I could go make another drink, and another, if I desired. But, most of all, he knew that I knew he wasn't always right. I wish I could have made my dad happy, but I think it was beyond his grasp. I hope my own son doesn't feel the same way.
I actually "grew up" in the military. This, also, might have threatened my dad. I was no longer just a son, I was another man in the house, and deserving of respect. I questioned. I communicated. I didn't necessarily agree. I had learned to manipulate. I could piss him off. I could go make another drink, and another, if I desired. But, most of all, he knew that I knew he wasn't always right. I wish I could have made my dad happy, but I think it was beyond his grasp. I hope my own son doesn't feel the same way.
A sign of wisdom and maturity is when you come to terms with the realization that your decisions cause your rewards and consequences. You are responsible for your life, and your ultimate success depends on the choices you make.
-- Denis Waitley, motivational speaker, consultant
Can I make you happy? Not unless you want to be. But, then, that falls back on a choice you have to make for yourself. It is your life. I can't, and won't, live it for you. If you become somebody's crutch, you accept some responsibility for your part in their failure. You can mentor, advise, support, but, ultimately, everyone must be responsible for their own life. If we make good choices we, hopefully, will have good outcomes. Bad choices will usually not end well. The moment you put your happiness in the hands of someone else, you are doomed to suffer the misery of your own making.
Take responsibility for your own happiness, do not expect people or things to bring you happiness, or you could be disappointed.
– Rodolfo Costa, businessman, teacher, author
We can, however, make life worth living for those around us. We can be, and usually are, an impetus for the choices and decisions of others. We are all too often the impetus for someone's lust, love, hate, or confusion. It is their choice or decision, but we are the ripple in the pond which may have preceded their action, so try to be a positive ripple. Ensure the only blame to be placed will be by them, mistakenly aimed at us but more appropriately aimed at themselves. Their life is all about their choice; their decision, and their owning responsibility.
Take care of yourself first before you try to help others. Learn to love yourself first, before you try to love others. Make the best, most positive, choices, and decisions so you can look forward to the best of outcomes. But, most importantly, strive to be happy always!
The secret ingredients to true happiness? Decisive optimism and personal responsibility.
– Amy Leigh Mercree, author, relationship coach
Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.
It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.
We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.
Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.
Awesome posting and the Truth.
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