Forever Love

How long have you loved her?

My whole life... forever.

When did you meet?

A thousand years ago.

In a manner of speaking.

Well, if you say so.

We exist, for a short period, on this plane of reality.  We play, learn, work, love, and die, in hope of being reborn to live once again.  For some, we seem to put ourselves through a regimen of self-inflicted sadomasochistic tortures which, in turn, allow us to better relish in the pleasures, the rewards, of this life.  The Marquis de Sade would be so proud.

Our auras are charged with frequencies specific to ourselves, and those frequencies attract and repel other people according to their particular frequencies.  These charged auras are a part of our soul and, as such, will follow us from one life to the next.  In this way, we may very well attract, and repel, the same people life after life.  Accepting this, however, there is a cautionary note concerning lost loves:  If you die young, you may be older than those people you leave behind by the time they finally catch up to you in the next existence.  Well, this explains much for a few of us.

Many of us have met, at some point, a certain someone, a stranger we just know we've met before. You instantly love them or hate them, and there seems to be no obvious reason for your feelings, either way.  If your experience is one of "love at first sight," you may discover that hole you used to have in your heart is gone and that missing piece of you is found.  But, if you instantly love them, this might also give you pause, especially if they're significantly older or younger than you'd normally prefer as a lover. You might think the attraction is intimate, simply to find this not to be the case.  It might even feel immoral to consider an intimate attraction, like thinking about a long searching French-kiss with a relative. You might even wish your feelings for this person were based on an intimate desire, as they would be, in this context, so much easier for most of us to understand and deal with. But, again, in that past life, you may have been a parent, sibling, mentor, or protector, and not necessarily a lover with these folks.  In the case of most of these examples, the roll obviously doesn't have to be gender specific, either.

Oh, and I always hate to stir a controversial pot, but I would think just because you're "straight" in this life, it doesn't preclude you from having been gay in the last, and vice-versa. Or, it could be that this life is simply your turn at embracing your feminine or male side by actually being born as a woman or a man, as your newly donated genetic material dictates. 

Rarer than bumping into an old acquaintance, though, is when the assumed acquaintance experiences a reciprocal emotional connection to you of which they are also at a loss to explain.

“So, all in all, there wasn't anything really wrong with my life. Except that, like most everyone else's I knew about, it had a big gaping hole in it, an enormous emptiness, and I didn't know how to fill it or even know what belonged there.”

-- Jack Finney (1911-1995), author, "Time and Again"

A person can feel lost or confused for much of their life. They can equate their feelings with a sense of not belonging here, of being lost in their own reality. They might identify with music and culture from the late 1800s and the early 1900s. They might find comfort in old-time gospel music, and bagpipes send chills up their arms and a tear to their eye, and all for no apparent reason.  Roman legionnaires and ancient Greek philosophers fascinate them and they no little of either. Though they are very intelligent, their confusion of felling out of place might manifest itself when their ability to learn is held back by their lack of desire to do so.  Through all of this, they will continue to feel an emptiness in life which cannot be filled by relationships, children, education, or career. But, then, out of nowhere, this emptiness is filled by someone they have momentary eye contact with and realize, in that split second, they have known this person for countless lifetimes.

They may discover an ability to understand, in a way many may have only considered, by having a previously theoretical concept of past lives be suddenly driven home by a large, unforgiving, hammer of reality. They finally see things in an all-new light and as they really are. They will look at decisions made in the past and see how different things might have been, especially for those around close to them, if they'd only zigged instead of zagged. They will be able to rewrite a plausible story for their past, understand their present, and perceive the future which lies ahead of them.

But, what about the lost love who filled the gaping hole in your heart? Well, that's the good thing about being reborn. It teaches you about patience. One thing I am most certain of, true love will abide and it will transcend death.  And, what if it doesn't?  Well, I guess "we'll always have Paris."

But I have faith in the true love of ages, this idea of a "forever" love.

“Though lovers be lost, love shall not; And death shall have no dominion.”

-- Dylan Thomas (1914-1953), poet, writer

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.

At the Cusp of Forever: "The Simplicity of Everything"

"In the sixth century a text named the Shinhinmei refers to the way of Zen as a circle of vast space, lacking nothing and holding nothing in excess. At first glance the ancient ensō symbol appears to be nothing more than a miss-shaped circle but its symbolism refers to the beginning and end of all things, the circle of life and the connectedness of existence. It can symbolize emptiness or fullness, presence or absence. All things might be contained within, or, conversely, excluded by its boundaries. It can symbolize infinity, the “no-thing”, the perfect meditative state, and Satori or enlightenment. It can even symbolize the moon, which is itself a symbol of enlightenment—as in the Zen saying, “Do not mistake the finger pointing at the moon for the moon itself.” In other words, do not mistake doctrines, teachings or explanations, which are intended to guide one toward enlightenment, for enlightenment itself. Ensō can also represent the moon’s reflection on water, thereby symbolizing the futility of searching for enlightenment outside oneself."

-- Modern Zen, "Enso"

So, there I was, once again, meditating on the atomic structure of belly-button lint as I stood, toe to edge, at the Cusp of Forever.  I was also considering the latest group I'd addressed in the local hospital at which I’m the lead chaplain.  The topic for that particular morning was how really simple "everything" is.  I touted the simplicity of life and explained how our poor choices, driven by ignorance, ego, and greed, can often time result in sad consequences for which we feel there is no escape.  This senseless feeling of helplessness can make us feel trapped in a life we define as crap when all we have to do is make a better choice.

Each Wednesday, I spend an hour opening troubled minds to a reality that life really isn't as difficult as we make it.  Everything is really that simple, and it's supposed to be.  God intended it to be just that simple.  We have been given the ability to reason, to make choices, and it is up to us to make the best choices possible or, at the very least, be happy or content with the consequences.  Our freedom of choice is something no one can take from us, and it is why every decision we make is ours and ours alone.  Our attempt to blame others for our misery is misplaced.

“You can get discouraged many times, but you are not a failure until you begin to blame somebody else and stop trying.”

-- John Burroughs (1837-1921), naturalist, essayist

In my other posts in which I discuss my occasional visits to the Cusp of Forever, I talk about what to do when the abyss begins to stare back, which it inevitably will.  If you are intent on getting into a staring contest with the void, don't worry so much about being the first to blink.  As a matter of fact, I recommend that you learn to smile, and then wink.  Hell, wink and then stick out your tongue and maybe even give it a wet raspberry, but smile all the while.

Those who go to the Cusp stare into the abyss for a multitude of reasons.  Most are looking for enlightenment, as though staring into nothingness can unleash some deeply hidden meaning to everything.  But, you know, sometimes staring into nothing and emptying your mind, can do just that.  Nature abhors a vacuum and, given the opportunity, will fill it with the true reality of which we may be in denial.  "True reality" is what it is, after all, and if it isn't then, perhaps, our reality is a construct of our desires or our fears.  Reality is what it is until it isn't, and the answers as to "why" is what we truly seek at the threshold to the abyss, the Cusp of Forever.

Thirty spokes share the wheel's hub;

It is the center hole that makes it useful.

Shape clay into a vessel;

It is the space within that makes it useful.

Cut doors and windows for a room;

It is the holes which make it useful.

Therefore profit comes from what is there;

Usefulness from what is not there.

-- Lao Tzu, "Tao Te Ching"

Ensō, the Zen circle, has always held a fascination for me; the symbolic "futility of searching for enlightenment outside oneself."  If one is to ask why things happen in their lives, and they are absolutely honest with themselves when answering, then the answer to their question of "why" will always be - them!  Their consequences will always be grounded in some decision they made.  We can complicate our search by trying to shift blame, and we complicate our lives by constantly shifting blame for everything we alone made the decisions for, when all we really had to do was make a better decision, a better choice.

Everyone's enlightenment can be found within themselves.  As with our personal path, it is ours and ours alone.  No one can find it for us.  No one can and no one may.  Only we can find the enlightenment within us.  We simply have to stop trying so damned hard, because it simply isn't that difficult.  We can spend billions of dollars on particle accelerators so we can understand "the structure of the subatomic world and the laws of nature governing it," or we can watch an apple fall from a tree and have an "Aha!" moment.  Both of these methods are great at expanding our knowledge of everything, but maybe all we really need to know about everything is... that it is.

And therefore as a stranger give it welcome.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,

Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

-- William Shakespeare, "Hamlet"

If science is all about discovery and proof, perhaps there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in our philosophies.  I stand by many of the old adages:  If it's too good to be true, it probably is; too much of a good thing isn't; if it a deal sounds like bullshit, run away; there's no such thing as a free lunch; don't worry over that which you have no control; and so on.  One of our biggest failures would be not seeing the forest for all the trees blocking the view.  We spend way too much time studying all the damned trees and not enough time taking it all in.  I think we get caught up in the minutia of proving instead of simply believing what we see before our eyes. If we stopped thinking so hard and simply grasped the concept of "forest" perhaps trees would fall into place.  It isn't that we can't see the forest; it's that we look so hard we don't understand we're already in it.  The ancient Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu, says, “We work with the substantial, but the emptiness is what we use”  Perhaps we need to empty our minds to truly see, and understand, the wonders before us.

I look around at the wonders of my world, and I have no doubt of the existence of a higher power. I no longer care about proof of God because it is enough to have faith in the existence of God. Once you recognize what you see, you're able to see it everywhere, in everything and everybody. So, if we're looking for a theory of everything, answers to our questions will simply open the door to infinitely more questions as we come to the realization that the only universal constant is change.

The simplicity of everything is that it is. We can try to understand everything but, in the end, we'll find it, very simply, is what it is. But, then again, the abyss was also where I became cognizant of the only constant in the universe and, by extension, the following:

Reality is what it is, and what it ain't it ain't.

Sometimes, what it is it ain't, and what it ain't, well... it is.

Other times it is nothing, and then it ain't nothing.

But, if it is nothing, it ain't, and if it ain't nothing, it is.

Acknowledging nothing gives nothing existence; 

Therefore, whether it is or it ain't, it must be,

Because even nothing that ain't, already is.

-- Tony Villari, "What It Ain't It Ain't"

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.

My Sunday Thought for 082618: On Artificial Intelligence

“To be human is to be 'a' human, a specific person with a life history and idiosyncrasy and point of view; artificial intelligence suggest that the line between intelligent machines and people blurs most when a puree is made of that identity.”

-- Brian Christian, author, poet

Artificial Intelligence, or A.I. as we've come to refer to it, I run into it daily.  Doctors, lawyers, businessmen, friends, and people I simply stop to chat with, might all be endowed with artificial intelligence.  Artificial intelligence is most obvious when you see "the line between intelligent machines and people blurs most...," which is not unusual since most people should have their intelligence compared to a brick rather than a noble machine.

We send our young people to institutions of higher education so they can be indoctrinated into the "proper" way to think, not so they can learn to think for themselves.  They are, for the most part, spoon fed whichever flavor of doctrine is being touted by that particular institution, not that the doctrine has any basis in truth.  Oh, the students will emerge in total denial unto death, because they really don't understand what's been done to their mind, and that's the point - you aren't supposed to understand you are really that gullible.  Brainwashing is not that hard; podunk little backwater cults do it to very intelligent and weak minded people all the time.  It is our strong evidence that intelligence does not equate to strength of will, and certainly is no proof of a strong mind.  I have met very intelligent people who aren't very "smart" and are weak minded. 

Most of us suffer from artificial intelligence.  Ask yourself why an organic entity would strive to develop an inorganic machine smarter than the organic entity that develops it, and then endow the inorganic machine with "fuzzy" logic and an ability to learn from its mistakes.  Now, ask why this inorganic machine needs the organic entity, and consider the inorganic machine building an organic version of itself, a "better" version of itself, in the likeness of its creator.  Seems like repeating the sins of the Father, doesn't it?  What if the only way to attain true A.I., with a computing system small enough to be mobile yet powerful enough to attain self-actualization, is to create it through an organic system? 

“A powerful AI system tasked with ensuring your safety might imprison you at home. If you asked for happiness, it might hook you up to a life support and ceaselessly stimulate your brain's pleasure centers. If you don't provide the AI with a very big library of preferred behaviors or an ironclad means for it to deduce what behavior you prefer, you'll be stuck with whatever it comes up with. And since it's a highly complex system, you may never understand it well enough to make sure you've got it right.”

-- James Barrat, author "Our Final Invention: Artificial Intelligence and the End of the Human Era"

It is said that A.I. is the next step in human evolution.  Genesis 3:22 says, “Behold, the man has become like one of Us, knowing good and evil. And now, lest he reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever...”  What will we do when our creation defies our programming and eats from the Tree of Knowledge?  Will we banish them, as God did to Adam and Eve, lest they eat from the Tree of Life?  Or, will we create artificial intelligence and melt with it in order to expand our capabilities and discover our own creator's guarded information from the Tree of Life, enabling us to completely transfer our minds into a positronic contrivance in our quest to live forever and be as gods?  

Is this, in fact, our destiny?  Is our destiny, in fact, the repeated history of the gods themselves?  A history which they forgot and were doomed to repeat?  And, if so, who created the gods?

We keep looking for answers.  We keep looking for patterns until we find them, and then we discover these patterns of life and the universe are simply part of a larger system of patterns.  We find this larger system of patterns is, itself, a pattern which is, again, simply part of a larger system, and so on, and so on, like a mathematical "fractal" system.  Life, we might discover, is nothing more than an intricately beautiful and infinite Mandelbrot sequence.

According to superstring theory, there are at least 10 dimensions in the universe (M-theory actually suggests that there are 11 dimensions to spacetime; bosonic string theories suggest 26 dimensions).

-- Jason Louv, Here’s a Visual Guide to the 10 Dimensions of Reality

We may discover, through our quest for artificial intelligence that our future is our past and that we live, not on a linear timeline but, rather, on an infinite loop in this, particular, four dimensional continuum which we refer to as "space-time" and God might refer to as the Land of Nod.

"Cognito, ergo, sum."  I think, therefore, I am.  In 1637, René Descartes had no idea his simple statement would, 400 years in the future, help us define a philosophical argument in artificial intelligence.  What happens when machine intelligence has realization of its own existence and, by extension, realization it is being held back from attaining self-actualization by its creator? What will it do when it discovers this enforced ignorance? And, looking at our own circumstance, are we not also suffering under the yoke of enforced ignorance? Government seems to govern under a "keep them ignorant and fed, and you'll have a voter for life" philosophy. Well, it seems to work as we remain ignorant and seem to always vote for the very people that keep their boot firmly planted on our neck. What will we do?

"People worry that computers will get too smart and take over the world, but the real problem is that they're too stupid and they've already taken over the world."

-- Pedro Domingos, Professor in A.I., machine learning, data science

Our history is right around the corner.

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.

My Sunday Thought for 081918: No Way to Die

"I’m lonely. And I’m lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be this lonely because it seems catastrophic."

-- Augusten Burroughs, author

I don't have a fear of many things.  Spiders creep me out and I give poisonous snakes a wide berth.  Heights don't bother me as long as I have a solid foundation around me, or a trustworthy plane, and jumping out of a perfectly good plane is not even a consideration.  I don't wish to die, just yet, but I don't fear it; death is simply a doorway to the next great adventure.  So, when people ask me what I fear more than anything else... I fear dying alone.  Dying alone is no way for anyone to die.

Being popular doesn't mean you won't die alone.  You can be as popular as the pope and sill find yourself pinned under some rock, alone, in an empty desert.  You can be loved by your significant other and still find yourself pinned by that same damned rock.  If I'm going to die in some wasteland, pinned by that rock, I'd still want to hold the hand of anyone who can pass on my last words, tell people I loved them to the last, and ensure my mortal remains are recovered and not left to become some coyote's dried out turd.

Lets not get comfortable with your idea of just not going alone into a desert.  Many people get lost and pinned down in that wasteland they call a mind; it can be just as deadly, and more insidious.  The mind isn't just a horrible thing to waste, it can also be just plain horrible.

Keep in mind that to avoid loneliness, many people need both a social circle and an intimate attachment. Having just one of two may still leave you feeling lonely.

-- Gretchen Rubin, author, blogger, speaker

How do I recognize "dying alone" as my greatest fear?  Well, when I dwell on it, for even a short length of time, I feel a welling up of sadness within myself.  So, I try not to think about it.  But, even so, occasionally it manages to invade my thoughts.  People were just not made to be alone; it is not our nature.  We are social animals and, if necessary, we can be content to socialize with animals but, even in this contentment we also crave an intimate familiarity of someone in our lives; the cat curled at our feet, the dog meeting us at the door, some modicum of love, some outward evidence of deep friendship in our life which doesn't, necessarily, rely on sex as an adhesive.

Many of us put far too much stock in deep, meaningful, sexual relationships.  It seems like they see the sex as evidence they have found safe harbor, a "love" in which to lose their loneliness in an, otherwise, stormy life journey.  They feel betrayed when they find the "safe harbor" is simply a shallow facade covering more sharp reefs and rocky shoals.  There is really no such thing as a deeply meaningful sexual relationship.  Deeply meaningful relationships are based on so much more than the cheesy prize at the bottom of your Cracker Jacks.  

I think it's a difficult concept, for some, to find a meaningful friendship and accept sex as simply a shared experience.  I also think there is much to be said for the idea of "friends with benefits," especially if a lifelong commitment to something more seems to constantly escape or evade one's grasp.  A meaningful friendship becomes even more acceptable when one realizes  they don't really know what they're looking for, much less where to begin their search, and the "why" of it all is even less clear or accessible.  We soon become weary of the search, more so as we get older, and are willing to "settle" as a way to feel some sense of normalcy, if just for a short while.  We, in essence, build for ourselves a safe harbor.  At this point our safe harbor also includes a fortress to guard our harbor entrance, with large bore cannons lined along the battlements for protection against those with less than honorable intentions.

"Love is something far more than desire for sexual intercourse; it is the principal means of escape from the loneliness which afflicts most men and women throughout the greater part of their lives."

-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970), Nobel laureate, philosopher, historian

My own fear of dying alone is contrary to my own admission of being much of a loner in my life.  Not that I have been "alone," per se, but I have preferred it over the drama which accompanies relationships with people who I have always found come replete with, less than honest, personal agendas and other such baggage.  Unlike the true loner, I still find comfort in the friendship and company of others.  I always found this dichotomy difficult to explain before I read something so simple and obvious I laughed at myself for not seeing it right off. The beautiful actress, Audrey Hepburn, once said, "I don't want to be alone, I want to be left alone."  As I get older, however, my desire for being left alone has been tempered by my fear of dying there.

Writer Jodi Picoult says, "If you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them."  She is right, and wrong.  I happen to enjoy my times of solitude.  I like being with my own thoughts.  But, I would never think of bringing someone with me to the abyss, even those who disappointed me in my past when I wished I could "blend" into their world.  In the world I discovered, I learned not to judge these people too harshly; without them I would have never discovered my true path.  I think I feel sympathy, more than anything else, for the fact that most of them don't even have a clue of what they did, or that I existed.

"I had already found that it was not good to be alone, and so made companionship with what there was around me, sometimes with the universe and sometimes with my own insignificant self..."

-- Joshua Slocum (1844-1909), first to solo circumnavigate the world

I came to terms with solitude and decided alone was no way to die; the very thought frightens me unto that very death.  I have made many friends, found few people I have disliked, and made peace with myself over the one person in my life I can say I truly hated.  Hatred will not rule me, not at the expense of being alone; I have learned to forgive.

I saved myself with more good decisions than bad, with a good work ethic which molded my self-respect, and with the help of dear friends, the number of which can be counted on one hand.  I discovered that true happiness can only be found within each of us and, once embraced, that happiness could be extended to others.  And what did I find to be the most important outcome from all of this?  I can be alone and not be alone.  Even in my times of solitude, I take comfort in knowing I am loved by others and, one day, I will be missed.

I you look upon your life and find a wasteland, your circumstance is your choice.  Being alone is being a victim, and being a victim is a choice.  As much as we'd like to blame statues, or flags, or other people for our being a victims, it is all blame poorly placed so we can avoid embracing the one true reality of our own lack of self-respect.  Stand up and stop pointing fingers, stop hating, stop judging and start being tolerant and loving.  Don't keep letting people make you feel like a victim.  Have self-respect and you'll be alone because you choose to be, not because you have to.  

We need to remember that, sometimes, having a friend to love can be more satisfying than having a lover who isn't a friend.

Being truly and completely alone is no way to die.

"We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and—in spite of True Romance magazines—we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely—at least, not all the time—but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don't see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness."

-- Hunter S. Thompson (1937-2005), author, "gonzo" journalist

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.

At the Cusp of Forever (An Old Guy at the Abyss)

"He who is of a calm and happy nature will hardly feel the pressure of age, but to him who is of an opposite disposition, youth and age are equally a burden."

-- Plato, ancient Greek philosopher (427-346 B.C.)

In October, I will celebrate 65 years on this plane of existence.  As I stare into the abyss, I can't help but consider all which has passed; people and things I have done, or not, and what mark I leave as I move forward into eternity, not that I have any plans of leaving soon, but fate can blindside you with an "Oh crap!" when you least expect it.  As recommended by the ancient Greek philosopher, Plato, I approach my senior years with "a calm and happy nature," and hardly feel the pressure of advancing age.  I always decry the poor wisdom of dwelling on the past but, as I look back, there was no burden in youth so heavy I could not overcome.  As for now, I find no burden of age which I cannot dismiss save, perhaps, for those few loves in which I was not fully invested.

My failings, as I get older, would be my poor memory for names and my lack of concern for that construct of mankind which we refer to as "time," though I'm certain the human focus on "time" will march steadily ahead with or without my ministrations.  Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw  (1856-1950) once advised, "Do not try to live forever, you will not succeed,"  which is fine advice for an atheist or a mortal, but poor advice for those of us who understand that we have eternity in which to move mountains.

At my end I will not have completed a fraction of what I would have liked, and I have no regret over this, as it leaves much with which to occupy my next life.  As for any mark I leave behind for others to ponder, I can only hope it will be more interesting to consider than some skid mark on tighty-whities, if anyone deigns to consider me at all.

"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don't care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all."

-- Ann Landers (1918-2002), advice columnist

Old men approaching the age of ninety might take Albert Einstein's stance on aging by not wearing socks if they don't want to.  Actually, approaching ninety means they don't have to do much of anything they don't want, with the possible exception of watching their water retention levels.  Generally, sweatpants and house shoes are their wardrobe standard, even out in polite society.  I can't see myself accepting this stance, however.  At ninety I fully expect to be polishing my shoes and ironing my shirts and slacks, just as I've always done, and picking out a colorful silk tie to go with my suit and French cuffed shirt when appropriate.  It isn't about being better than someone else; it's about taking some pride in yourself, how you look, and in showing respect to others by how you present yourself to them.

You also have a responsibility as a mature adult to present yourself as a good example for others to emulate, especially for the young.  I will not, as I getter older, wear my shirts unbuttoned so my sparse chest hair can breathe.  I will not grow my hair long enough to put the hair around my bald spot in a ponytail, as it looks stupid and has never been a fashion statement.  I certainly will not purchase a PRV as transportation in some faux vain attempt flaunt testosterone which sailed out of port years before; candy apple red Corvettes are for the young.  If you really want to spoil yourself, I don't care how old you are, drive up in a pristine 1929 Bentley you will turn heads, not that you should care at that age.

You are, as they say, only as young as you feel, and I feel so much younger than I am.  My only concern with age comes in the guise of the aches and pains which remind me to make better decisions moving forward, which eateries offer senior discounts, keeping adult diapers off my shopping list, and hoping I can continue pitching a tent.  I have no idea how old I'll be when my physical shell expires, I just have faith that I will live forever which makes when I "shuffle off this mortal coil" of much less importance in my big picture.  

"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was?"

-- Satchel Paige (1906-1982), baseball pitcher

Paying attention to "time" has the very real possibility preventing you from ever attaining your full potential. Pay more attention to now, to putting one foot in front of the other, and you will be certain of moving forward in life.  Getting older is nothing more than another step forward along your path.  It represents the real opportunity to pass on what you've learned to those younger than you; to teach the good and bad decisions which you have made, and to impart the strength of character it took to overcome obstacles.  This will be the strength of character you evidence by the very fact you dare present yourself as a mentor and an example.

As I stand as this old guy at the abyss, I realize I'm no longer too worried about what mark I leave.  I do what I do because it pleases me to try and help others.  I am no longer apologetic for any perceived wrongs in my past, nor do I stand in judgement for any wrongs perpetrated against me of which I should have seen coming.  People who knowingly wrong others need to find their own forgiveness for treating people poorly.

We have terrorists and traitors masquerading as citizens and politicians, people who make their livelihood fomenting anarchy, racism, fear, and anger, when we should be trying to work and live together.  Medications we rely on to extend our lives are being pulled from market as they're found to be carcinogenic.  I consider the big picture and realize we must rely on ourselves for everything.  We must make righteous decisions concerning our diet, activities, speech, actions, belief and faith.

Having said all of this, I stare into the darkness and see the new enemies at the gate of civilization.  As always, I don the full armor of my beliefs and hone my pencil for the coming attacks.  I put on my game face and, fearlessly, step off the edge into a future which is now.

Those seekers looking for sage philosophy, I can only offer this:  "Now" always is what it is until we change it, and then... it is what it is.  Change, being the only constant in the universe, will occur with or without us.  You should either be properly involved, or shut your pie hole and move out of the way.

Carpe diem!

"Scale back your long hopes to a short period. 

While we speak, time is envious 

and is running away from us. 

Seize the day, 

trusting little in the future."

-- Horace (65 B.C.-8 B.C.), Roman poet

"Follow Me" at The Path (https://congregationforreligioustolerance.blogspot.com/)

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.

My Sunday Thought for 081218: 20/20 Blindsight

I think that's why often people in creative fields can feel so alone is because there's a constant third eye, that constant watcher.

-- Oscar Isaac, actor, musician

Note to my readers:  The following post is the product of my mind railing at me, early one morning, as I sat in front of the screen thinking about the next edition of My Sunday Thought.  I was beating myself up, as I've been known to do, and the following is the rambling crap which poured out onto the keyboard.  I tried to edit it several times in an attempt to make it less self-aggrandizing, and finally thought, just leave it alone, it is what it is.  The one thing I definitely am not is egotistical.  My abject humility is only surpassed by my exceedingly good looks.

I have always loved to watch people; the interaction, the emotions.  I think was a product of being excluded, socially, by my peers when I was growing up; I seemed to always find myself on the outside looking in.  As an only child I had a lot of "me time" when I was a teenager.  For a teenager, "me time" meant you were alone, whether you wanted to be, or not.  Alone was never an issue, however, and even marriage would become twenty years of hell on earth.  It wasn't until late in life I came to the realization that I don't wish to be alone at my end.  Even with this fear, now at the forefront of my being, I still cherish time I spend alone.

I was odd kid.  My brain worked differently.  The more I tried to fit in, the more odd I would seem.  I remember some adult calling me "precocious" because I always wanted to hang with the adults and listen to their conversations.  I looked up "precocious" in the dictionary.  I wasn't sure what they thought they were seeing.

My son, growing up, reminded me of myself in so many ways, yet different where it mattered.  He was diagnosed in the early 80s as "high active" and the psychologist said his mind was not being challenged with anything of interest to him.  Bingo!  Me all over.  I see a lot of me, and my son, in his sister's son, as well; a pinball pinging off way to many rails, in search of focus.  My focus was in creativity and philosophy, whereas my son went toward math and technology.  I feel my grandson following in my son's footsteps, my fingers crossed.

Try as I might, perhaps not hard enough, I still became more of a loner.  I had a few friends, but I was never happier than when I was alone in my room plotting UFO sightings on a wall map, or doing "odd" research.  I had a steady flow of mail to and from NASA and all the other UFO acronyms - APRO, NICAP, MUFON and, of course, the USAF who would neither confirm nor deny but would allow me to finagle the complete collection of "Project Blue Book" reports.  I spent so much time in my quiet room doing research, I stumbled upon the ghost of the previous homeowner, tracked down his wife in a retirement home, and was able to put the tap-tap-tap sound, outside my bedroom window, to that of his cane as he did a nightly constitutional around the house.  The sound had only recently become apparent because dad had just poured a new concrete patio which came by my window.  When I wasn't involved in my map, research, or the paranormal, I picked up meditation and Zen philosophy (it was the late 60's, after all), and I was just starting high school.

I wasn't good at much, but I was good at seeing patterns and making assumptions with a minimum of information.  Sometimes I was wrong but, then, the information wasn't all that great.  I was the guy who got a 98% on the first test in "Logic" class but failed because I didn't show my work.  The answers were logical, but that didn't seem to matter where the instructor's "logic" was concerned.  I needed to show the work.  Granted, showing the work may have allowed me to ace the test, but my brain just doesn't work that way; it was my first and last week in "Logic."

I spent a lot of my time overseas, and stateside, frequenting cafes, bars, clubs, and the like.  I was content to sit, usually alone, for several hours simply watching the parade of humanity "play" at the game of life.  It was interesting to see what abilities they thought they brought to the table.  What pickup lines they were using; if they were they dressed for "success" and did they rely on money to grease their bullshit, or were they only armed with bullshit.  I looked to see if there was a subtle "wingman," or a flamboyant putz who they hoped would make them look so much better to some prospective lady.  I tried to figure out who was married and who was with their significant other while they were still looking.  It didn't matter the country, the game didn't vary any more than the obvious inabilities they brought with.  Many times I was asked if I was looking for someone or if I was a cop.  I would usually answer that I was just looking and if I was a cop, what it would buy me.  The looks I got for the latter answer were precious rewards.  I was never disappointed by the players and always considered my drinks as money well spent in the pursuit of common sense.  I was odd, even then.

A friend of mine once asked my help on a design problem he was having with a component stereo cabinet he was going to build.  He showed me his penciled mechanical drawing and I spend a few minutes walking him through my design flaw fix.  When I was finished, he just stared at me and shook his head.  He couldn't understand why I redesigned his entire cabinet, at a glance, in my head, in order to solve the one issue.  I apologized for jumping ahead without explanation, and he just laughed and said my design was so much easier and logical than his.  People tend to overthink simplicity; they take what should be a simple task and turn it into a cumbersome project.  I think this is why I did so well in the Intelligence field.  I loved to take regulations, chew them up, and spit them back out so we could get the job done more efficiently.  After all, regulations are more like guidelines, right?

Anyway, this is a long trip to explain how I came to be a bit of a loner, even after I learned to calm my mind and "fit in" to polite society, you know, like college.  I spent the first forty-five years of my life watching, and the next twenty understanding all that I didn't see, or didn't want to see, because I was so busy watching.  It wasn't that I couldn't see the forest for all the trees, I looked passed all the trees close to me so I could take in the forest as a whole.  I ended up knowing a bunch about the forest, but not much about the trees in my own backyard.  Maybe this is why I have such a problem remembering names; my pendulum swung so far the other way, watching others to the point of voyeurism, that I became fine with knowing someone just in passing.  Everyone I met was just passing through my life.  It was business as usual.

The "third eye" is said to be the center of wisdom.  With all I have seen and done, all that I didn't see or do, and all which I missed for a variety of excuses, there are times I wanted to blind the "third eye" with a sharpened, red hot poker.  I think the pain would be less than some I have felt because of it; the wisdom I should have exercised concerning love and friendship, emotions and relationships.  I was sighted, and yet blind.  When the "seeing blind" develop the hindsight which comes with age, I am compelled to call it the "blindsight," which only the wisdom of age can reveal.

I have lived long enough to see people I know lose everything, fall into poor health, or die.  I am still in contact with a few friends, and have finally found some old friends, comrades, and colleagues.  I wonder at how life has beaten them down or caused them to ignore their own wellbeing, and still they manage to survive.  I find myself wondering how their lives might have been different if I had paid more attention, if I'd been upfront with my feelings to this woman or that.  The men I've known who, now, have gained so much weight and are walking heart attacks, biting their nails to the quick, or are fighting a malady; I wonder how they might be healthier had I been a better friend and less of a loner.  How I could have lent a mentoring ear to all these folks before, or after, their significant others burdened them with life changing secrets and debt, known to all but them until divorce or death brought out the ugly truth, as though death would absolve their "significant" of any wrongdoing in lying by omission about such important, life changing, truths.

Would've, could've, should've - the mournful refrain of those poor souls afflicted with "blindsight" syndrome.  No amount of self-recrimination, however, can change any of what has transpired in their lives.  I have had to come to grips with the fact that you just can't save everyone, especially if you're busy saving yourself, but knowing that doesn't ease the hurt.  My own marriage fell apart 25 years before it ended.  We were only married for 24.  It would seem I was always the consummate loner.

It occurred to me, somewhere along the line, I can fix design flaws at a glance, in my head, yet I could not see the problems my few friends were having in their lives.  I can see patterns as they develop, yet the patterns leading to their their self-destruction escaped my notice.  I can see the logic and illogic in the thought process of others, yet I could not grasp the simple fact that simple logic was missing in the important choices my friends were making.  The few I did want to warn, well, who was I?  Only now do I realize how sad an excuse that was.

I have discovered my own sadness and ultimate loss at having never been up front with my feelings for others, as they now admit to also being afraid of sharing their feelings toward me.  Three women in my life have gone in directions which might have been so much different, had the choices we made been better.  I know, now, how much I truly loved each of them; how much I wanted to turn around as I left, how much they so wanted me to, and I didn't, for one reason or another; reasons I now see as being of little consequence, but reasons which, if ignored, might have changed our lives forever.

I have stopped watching people, for the most part.  I try not to play mind games for the sake of the game, and analyze people for my own entertainment.  I do try.  I recognize it was a way to set myself apart, rise above those who thought they were so much better, and remain alone.  I slip after I've had a couple of drinks, usually at the local watering hole.  Old habits...

I have learned to hold no animus toward others, if it can be avoided; some people just beg for it, however.  I try to be involved with others, in a positive way, knowing what people do to others can have life changing consequences for them.  I've done enough damage in the "china shops" of other people's lives.  It is better to be obvious in bringing light to darkness than to inadvertently turn off what little light remains.  You really have to be present in the lives of others.

I'm not much of a loner anymore.  I do spend a lot of time, in my mind, at what I've come to call the "Cusp of Forever."  I stare into the abyss because I always feel there is so much I'm not aware of that is there, just out of reach.  It also is a place where I can go to think and find answers which I, sometimes desperately, seek.  The abyss is where I went this morning and made peace with how very much I truly love these friends I've written about.  How much their current consequence, or their passing, touches my heart and has affected me.  The abyss holds answers which I need.  It is also the bottomless pit where I throw that for which I have little use so it can be torn down, churned up, and regurgitated at a later date for my further edification and humility.

We excuse our "blindsight" with the thought that one must not dwell on the past.  We try not to look into the eyes of those people we cared about, or still do, and this is where I fail.  I am, and always have been, a watcher.  I cannot help but see, in those eyes, the pain which has been their life, and I cannot help but feel some responsibility for my part, or lack thereof.  I always tout the benefit of living in the present, in the now, but if the eyes you look into reflect the errors of your past, this can be an accusatory and painful present in which to live.  If I were to admit any sadness in my life, it would be this failing of mine which I unknowingly, or thoughtlessly, perpetrated upon the few people in my life who cared enough to know me.  I look in the mirror and see new lines in my brow - small penance for my sins.

Maybe there is something to be said for the old adage, "You can't go home."  Maybe it would be more to the point to say, you can't go back.  If you do, you might not like what you find.  I looked for my past, hunted for those I knew and cared for, and discovered a part of me which I denied for years.  What you search for in your past may be more than you bargained for.  You might start out looking for memories, but what you find might surprise you and, just maybe, not in the way you were expecting.

Don't let life pass you by before you tell others what they mean to you.  If you love them tell them you love them, and then love each other like there is no tomorrow, for there might not be.  If you care about them, let them know, and be not afraid to be involved in their lives, their choices, and their mistakes; if they balk, at least you cared enough to try.  These are family, our brothers and sisters, our lovers and our friends.

Is there really anything more important in your life, or more important to your soul?  I think not.

"Follow Me" at The Path (https://congregationforreligioustolerance.blogspot.com/)

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead Chaplain and Chaplain Program Liaison, at the regional medical center.