The Curmudgeon - Treating People Badly

"There are people who have an appetite for grief..."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Met any curmudgeons in your lifetime?  Some people think you have to be old to be curmudgeonly, and usually this is the case, but in today's society you can be one at any age.  You don't know what a curmudgeon is?  Well, I could give you the dictionary definition of one except that the description is based on who we use to call a curmudgeon.  I found an infinitely more interesting description of curmudgeons on hogsatemysister.com called Curmudgeons 'R' Us:

"I am pleased to announce that I have been elected President of Curmudgeons 'R' Us.At least I would be pleased, except that club rules prohibit that.  We are not allowed to be pleased, happy or giddy.  And there is NO smiling.  Unless beer is involved.And we are doing the antler dance.

I always thought that you had to be really old, like maybe 80, before you could be a curmudgeon.  Turns out that age has nothing to do with it.  It’s what’s inside that counts.  Like a laptop.  Except curmudgeons don’t have an Intel chip inside.  We have hemorrhoids.  Really, huge ones.  About the size of a garden hose.  And don’t EVEN get us started on our enormous prostates.  'Way too much damn information' is our motto.  And this is our logo."  (Note of warning from me: Yes, the logo is a bit... off color, so you actually have to click on 'our logo' to see the logo. If you don't wish to view it, then don't click on it. Now that you've been warned, don't click on it and get offended, then become a curmudgeon and rag my happy tush. Just saying.) 

The epitome of curmudgeons, in my humble view, are those members of my favorite group to post about, the League of the Perpetually Offended.  But, there are so many other folks around us which meet the criteria as set forth in Curmudgeons 'R' Us.  

I allow the great majority of curmudgeons a wide birth, knowing that any confrontation would undoubtedly result in two jackasses braying at each other.  However, the one situation I can't help but getting in someone's face over (by becoming the second braying jackass) is when the first jackass is treating people badly.  This is especially true if I care about the particular someone being treated badly, but I'll take the stand regardless.  I was taught to treat people as I would want to be treated, and if I were to be treating people badly then I'd expect to have someone like me up in my grill braying about the poor treatment.  It is the consequence of poor decision making, and poor decision making is generally the purview of the first jackass.  Bringing a knife to a gunfight, would be an unfortunate consequence of being an "unprepared" second jackass.

Older men hate to be thought of as transparent.  They have spent their entire lives learning, they thought, how not to be transparent.  If you've ever called a senior citizen on something they've done or said which they thought was subtle but was, in fact, blatantly obvious to almost everyone, you'll know what I'm talking about.  They get defensive, then they get argumentative, then they get pissed off and walk away.  I never want to get that old, and I'm sorry I know people who have.

"Men hate to be misunderstood, and to be understood makes them furious."

-- Edgar Saltus (1855-1921), writer, author

As you get into old age, if life has taught you anything, you get anchored into what you learned.  You become closed minded to the changes in society which create issues for the young not common back in the day. One glaring example is why the young don't save money.  Well, in the early 1980s the prime interest rate was 20%.  Before the rate tanked, at the turn of the century, it had fallen to 7-10%.  Just a few years later it had fallen to .05%.  Savings accounts don't pay any interest.  Back in the day you could put money away and watch your savings grow toward a nice retirement.  Jobs became scarce, medical care went through the roof, gas went up, yadda, yadda, yadda, and the old people stopped teaching the young how to get over the hump.  Our parents were really loud, in the day, touting that what they were doing was leaving the world better than they found it, a brighter future for their children.  Is it any wonder those parents became closed minded?  They wallow in denial of a world that is no better, and worse in some respects and in spite of their efforts, and refuse to understand why the young can't follow their sage advice which has no bearing in current reality.  

A cynic knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), poet, playwright

I think this is why civilization is declining into societies full of whining babies;  the last generation failed then proclaimed success, and the younger generation saw right through the bullshit and stopped listening to their elders because elders lost all credibility with the young who bought into the hype left to them concerning credit cards, revolving charge accounts, balloon payments, and no-money-down mortgages.  Children of our children run amok in the streets because both parents have to work and were never taught how to parent through two jobs, not to mention an inability to teach ethics and morality which took a nose dive into the toilet along with good Christian values. 

Because of all this bullshit, we start becoming curmudgeons at a significantly younger age.  Many simply stop trying to get ahead, and many fall into the League of the Perpetually Offended.  Old people seem to be perpetually offended by anyone younger than they are who can't manage to do everything they could, forgetting that life was much simpler back in the day; work hard, save your money, make a life.  Really?  What happened to the lessons about what to do when everything you were taught by your elders falls apart, when "The Great Society" isn't so much anymore?

Now you struggle to find any job, much less one that pays enough to save some of the paycheck in a bank account which pays no interest.  Now you need a job which pays enough to invest some of the cash in a stock market, which few know how to navigate, and end up giving their hard earned cash to an investment firm which takes a fee for the privilege of losing all that hard earned cash.  People become attuned to the reality they may never get ahead, and we wonder why emotions run high and people treat other people badly.  Now, consider all of this and be 65 years old looking for employment because the last 45 years of your life just didn't pan out, and Social Security isn't all you hoped it would be.  Now, consider that you're even mildly disabled, not a veteran, and recent technology leapt ahead to fast for your old brain to keep up.  Good luck.

"Nothing begins, and nothing ends,

That is not paid with moan;

For we are born in others' pain,

And perish in our own."

~Francis Thompson (1859-1907), poet, writer, mystic

Curmudgeons tend to disavow knowledge of anyone who hasn't made it in life.  They find fault, not understanding, and certainly not compassion.  They are perpetually offended by anyone they feel is lesser than they, not realizing how much lesser than everyone else this attitude makes them.  They feel they have risen above as they wallow in their sad pit of ego and pride due to the fact they feel they have "made it" even though they lost their soul in the process.  Of what value is the soul to someone who has lost all sense of what is truly valuable?

There are some mortals who are never happy save when they have some hurt feelings to enjoy.

-- Anonymous

What of the young?  Young people fall prey to the same curmudgeonly attitudes, and not necessarily because of faux ego or pride.  Many feel they've been shorted on a birthright, some promise they feel was made and not kept by the elder curmudgeons, you know, the ones who thought everything would be rosy for generations to come.  The promise of a "war to end all wars" and a chicken in every pot, a car in every garage, a job for everyone who wanted to work, and "Social Security" they would pay into and receive back for retirement.  Somehow, this "Social Security" program they are forced to pay into, for their own good, is trying to be redefined by certain politicians, as an "entitlement."   This allows the federal government to claim it and, once again, screw hard working citizens.  Another government promise in the toilet?  And we wonder why they young seem perpetually offended as some of our retired elderly even find themselves frequenting soup kitchens and used clothing stores, trying to make ends meet.

"The dignity of man lies in his ability to face reality in all its meaninglessness."

--Martin Esslin (1918-2002), dramatist, journalist, scholar

Through all of this, the curmudgeons amongst us still find the need to look down their nose and judge others regardless of financial status, race, creed, color, spiritual belief, sexual identity or preference, all of which are targets for their "holier than thou" judgement of those they choose not to approve of.  It is so much easier to judge than to show compassion and understanding, tolerance or, God forbid, acceptance.  It is easier for a curmudgeon to turn their backs and recite their motto of "way to damned much information," than to deal with the reality of their own failures and shortcomings of which are usually too numerous to excuse with any expectation of belief by anyone else which, in itself, is another reason for the curmudgeon to live life perpetually pissed off and offended.

"A man is also known by the company he dodges."

-- Robert Elliott Gonzales (1888-1916), poet, writer, journalist, soldier

The ancient Greek philosopher and poet Homer is supposed to have written, "Nothing is more miserable than man, Of all upon the earth that breathes and creeps."  For the most part I would tend to agree, for all but one of man's positive attributes fall before his seemingly insatiable desire for misery.  Only his vast capacity for hope sets mankind apart from all other life, if mankind could only learn how to embrace it. 

"Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own."

-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745), poet, cleric, essayist

We must stop looking at the world how it is and start imagining what it can become.  Niels Bohr, through his work in quantum theory, offers that nothing is real until we observe it, and there is no such thing as reality, only the potential for reality; reality depends on the observer.  I would offer that we would be better served to stop whining about each other, stop treating each other badly, and apply ourselves to a concerted effort of making the world everything marvelous that it has the potential to become.  

If we can imagine it, it becomes real.  Let us start imagining beauty, love, understanding, and forgiveness.  Let us see what it becomes.

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider another viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 23 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with an Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, to wage his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as Chaplain Program Liaison, at a regional medical center.