Stress Not

Sitting on the back porch tonight, I find myself alone with the breeze and the warm glow of the patio lights, an iced glass of bourbon, and my pipe, smoking with my favorite blend and filling the air around me with an aromatically therapeutic scent. It struck me, as it always does, that I have no stress. A glass of bourbon and a bowl of pleasingly aromatic tobacco and all's right with my world, with the exception of the occasional train blaring it's obnoxiously loud horn as it rumbles through town, and even this I have learned to, for the most part, ignore. Go figure.

Any stress experienced in my life, to this point, I thought was centered on school and marriage.  It was stress driven, for the most part, by fear of being left behind and having to endure said stress for an indefinite period, and jumping into a marriage much too young with a relationship neither of us was prepared for or experienced enough to understand.  

As for my 23 years of military life?  It wasn't a job insomuch as it was, truly, an adventure.  I never stressed over it as much as I looked forward to it.  Little did I know, at the time, it was also an escape from the stress of the marriage which finally failed.  I would come to learn, from all of this, that a person can experience stress without knowing it or admitting it.  That job I looked so forward to, the job I was so good at and so happy in, would be the cause of my post-traumatic stress and, by extension, my donation to the final destruction of my marriage.  The divorce forced my realization that I suffered from a mild case of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and the knowledge that you can have stress, suffer under it, and not realize it. 

The lessons I've learned during that life, and what would follow, I have tried to impress on others.  Education and history are things to be cherished and not feared; never enter into any relationship, business or personal, with a foundation based on lies; and never stress over that which you have no control, which means you have no reason to ever stress since, if you have control, there is little reason for stress to begin with.  This latter is the foundation for life - be in control.  You will come to realize you don't have to be in control of anything else as long as you are in control of yourself.  The best way to become in control of one's self is to learn to ask  the only important question:  Why?  

Something else to keep in mind is to not fear the future, for the future is nothing but the next instant in life.  One must learn and understand how to enjoy each and every instant.  We have no control over the next instant; it will happen whether we want it to, or not.  Once we understand this lack of control over the next instant, there is little reason to look passed it, to an instant in the future, and stress over that instant either.  Once you learn to live in the moment, you may find how to live in-between the moments.  The time between time is the minutes and hours spent in a dream which lasts seconds.  Why do we miss so much of the experience of life happening around us?  

If you aren't in control, you are out of control.  If you're out of control is there any wonder you move through life like a bull in a china shop, leaving in your wake things broken, shattered, and emotionally compromised?  Better to move through life slowly, with a well thought out plan, one step at a time.  Don't buy into someone else's hype and immediacy.  Contracts never have to be signed before they are read and understood.  The car on sale today can be had tomorrow for the same price if the deal is worth having.  The contract being forced with a sense of immediacy is usually a contract to be wary of, and anything too good to be true usually is.  

For instance, a marriage 'license' is a piece of paper, a record, a tax dodge, and a boilerplate contract only as ironclad and binding as the honesty and love of the people signing it.  I know people who have been together in terrific relationships, for twenty years and more, without benefit of this so called contract.  Current laws pretty much give life partners the same legal rights as married couples, so what's the point?  Two people in love simply want to tell friends and family, the society in which they live their lives, and their God, that they are pledging, for the rest of their lives, their undying love for each other.  Feel like lying to God for some selfish reasons?  No stress here.  

Yet most contracts, personal or business, between family, friends, or strangers, are simply marriages; agreements to abide by certain written statements which we base only on the honesty of the individuals signing them.  If one of the individuals violates the contract, one or both of the parties will end up getting financially or emotionally hurt.  The purpose of a contract is to keep everyone honest, and to guarantee the agreed upon outcome.  It is supposed to remove stress from the equation by arriving at agreements both parties can live with.  Stress comes into play is when one or both of the parties are lying to one another, or to themselves, about their ability or desire to abide by the agreements.

Better to go through life being honest with yourself and others.  Don't promise that which you cannot provide, and don't sign contracts which you cannot fulfill.  Always strive to be in control of your emotions, your decisions, and your life.  Don't make decisions during times of high emotion.  Be honest enough with yourself to understand the impact your words and your actions will have, now or in the future, upon your life or the lives of others.

Stress not?  Well, perhaps easier said than done.  

Right now I'm listening to the ice, rattling in my glass, telling me I've finished my bourbon.  I have to find some philosophical tidbit as the impetus for discussion during this Sunday's PTSD meeting at the medical center. I could stress over it, but that seems inconsequential to the obvious lack of bourbon in my glass.  I will come up with some topic to discuss.  I always do.  I have found that life unfolds despite any stress I may visit upon it, and that stress only muddies the water, making life more difficult to see.  One door closes and another opens, this happens with or without me.

I look over my shoulder and see the last dregs of Evan Williams calling my name from the kitchen counter, inside.  I can stress over it, or I can get off of my lazy ass and put the soldier out of its misery.

No stress here.  

Editor's Note 

(re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card) 

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider another viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 23 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with an Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects in pharmaceutical research.  Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, to wage battle in the guise of the Congregation's official, online, blog, "The Path," of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead chaplain, and Chaplain Liaison, at a regional medical center.