My Sunday Thought for 01152017: Love and Happiness

“When you love someone you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom”

-- Leo Buscaglia (1928-1994), educator

I searched at great length for an image to put at the top of this post, and I fell prey to multiple choices of a man and woman - in this day and age, I knew better.  After a heartfelt self-admonishment I settled on a photo which seems to leave the door open for whichever gender floats your boat.  The League of the Perpetually Offended will see what they wish, and that is, as always, too bad for them.  I choose to keep an open mind and an open heart.

I also settled on a quote from my favorite philosopher on love and happiness, Leo Buscaglia.  He loved virtually everyone he met and the world has been much too long without his gentle, meaningful words.  He was many things; author, professor, and motivational speaker.  For me, he was an educator.  He opened my eyes to emotions I might otherwise have taken for granted.  For those who don't know of him, you are the poorer for it.  I strongly invite you to watch many of his lectures which are still available, several which can be found for free online, and order his books which are still available online as well.  I have sprinkled a bit more of Leo throughout this post.

“Love is life...and if you miss love, you miss life.”

-- Leo Buscaglia

I've learned many lessons of love throughout my life.  I think the biggest lesson, for me, is that you cannot truly know the value of love without having loved and lost.  If you have loved one person your entire life, I find myself torn between saying how lucky you are, sucks being you, or applauding your emotional willpower.

Finding that one special person is an emotional crap shoot.  In today's world of 'love you forever, in sickness and in health, till death do us part, or at least until I leave for another naive loser,' the idea of forever love is filed under the bullshit label by a society which takes relationships with a grain of salt.  many people are opting out of marriage altogether, preferring to live as 'significant others' or 'life partners' as though these titles will prevent the heartbreak of loss.  Hell, it won't even prevent 'common law' from kicking in, so good luck with that.  But, these are the emotional games we play instead of just being happy, and most of it is due to lawyers, ministers, friends and family.  Almost none of it is due to what we truly want - happiness.  

“Most of us remain strangers to ourselves, hiding who we are, and ask other strangers, hiding who they are, to love us.”

-- Leo Buscaglia

I had someone tell me once that their father had married his wife young and stayed in love with her until his death many years later.  They told me he never even thought about another woman.  Now, being the consummate hopeless romantic, I so wanted to revel in this tale, but the realist in me couldn't leave it alone.  I said, that he had never so much as looked at another woman because a beautiful, buxom, woman with red, luscious lips, newer pushed him up against a wall and kissed him deeply while grabbing his package before saying, "You and me, right now, big boy!"  My comment was met with a silence crickets love to interrupt.  My point being, how do you know he never thought about it?  But, I was impressed that my friend's Christian view of his Christian father negated any possibility of even having the thought of immorality or impropriety.  I think there was a lot of denial going on in this family, but if it makes them happy...

“Every moment spent in unhappiness is a moment of happiness lost.”

-- Leo Buscaglia

Even if living a lie happens to make you happy, isn't it better than being unhappy?  Maybe, but it won't feel nearly as good as being truly happy.  Then again, I suppose it depends on your definition of happiness.  For me, happiness is waking up every morning, just that, nothing more.  There comes a time in life when you simply determine that enough actually is... enough, and that, sometimes, even enough can be way too much.  Is you glass half empty or half full?  What's wrong with it being just fine the way it is?

“What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life.”

-- Leo Buscaglia

If you're going to live life, then don't be afraid to love.  Don't worry about slapping a label on it, and don't concern yourself with the permanence of it.  It is what it is, and it is different, every moment of every day, for everyone willing to throw caution to the wind and have a little faith.  You might love for a moment, for a night, a few months, or a lifetime.  What is important is not only that you love, but that you love often.

“Love is life...and if you miss love, you miss life.”

-- Leo Buscaglia

Humans spend much time being someone else.  We take great pains to act a certain way, dress a certain way, look a certain way, and all to attract someone we may or may not find we like.  Some women feel it necessary to get pregnant by every guy they meet as though it's some never ending rite of passage to prove they're good enough, and the question remains, 'For what?'  Men think they're all that, and sleep with every woman they can to try and prove they aren't.  Many are usually successful.  These are people in costumes, acting out their parts as clowns in this circus we call life, not really in touch with who they are, less in touch with whom they think they love, and always hanging with the wrong monkeys.  

“Most of us remain strangers to ourselves, hiding who we are, and ask other strangers, hiding who they are, to love us.”

-- Leo Buscaglia

Maybe we should just love.  Maybe we shouldn't worry so much about the elephant shit which surrounds the emotion.  We all know how to act and show respect.  We all know how to be honest and upfront.  How about we try exercising all of that which we know?  How about we start showing people who we are instead of whom we want them to see.  And, just maybe, we should start saying 'I love you' and, on the other side, stop shying away from everyone that says it like the words alone are an STD.  Learn to love, and learn to be happy.  We are born with lots of both, love and happiness, and then try and trade them away as we get older for emotional and material fodder.  We end up wondering what happened, why we can't find love, why we can't be happy.

In life we make choices and receive circumstances.  We forget who we are and where we're going.  We forget how to love and how to be happy.  It is still with us, however, locked away inside of us.  Love and happiness is an integral part of who we are, and when we forget it causes us issues, pain, and confusion.  Take a breath and try letting go of all the bullshit you surround yourself with.  Take off the costume and leave your ego at home.  Be honest, be vulnerable, be human, and be yourself.  No one can take any of who you are away from you, and you should never try to be someone you're not just to impress them.  

Happiness is intrinsic, it's an internal thing. When you build it into yourself, no external circumstances can take it away.

-- Leo Buscaglia

Editor's Note 

(re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card) 

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider another viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 23 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to the intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, in the guise of the Congregation's official, online, blog, "The Path," of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead chaplain at a regional medical center.