My Sunday Thought for 12042016: Living in the Now

"We are living in a culture entirely hypnotized by the illusion of time, in which the so-called present moment is felt as nothing but an infinitesimal hairline between an all-powerfully causative past and an absorbingly important future."

-- Alan W. Watts (1915-1973), interpreter of Eastern philosophy

For me, living in the now means living between the ticks of a clock. It means an ability to focus on the air as its being beaten into submission by the wings of a bee, or to simply pick a point of water as it approaches in a fast moving stream, and follow as it passes and continues out of sight. Even before his death in 1973, Alan Watts rightly understood that our culture had lost touch with the present, the now. We were fully absorbed in creating better, faster, easier, less expensive; a disposable life for our disposable world. If you don't believe me, I'm sure there's an app for it.

We move much faster than in Allan's day. I'm sure online dating, email, texting, and other technological ills of mass impersonal communication weren't even dreams in his time. Our ability to link to the internet at our local coffee shop means that, even when we take a break from our hectic day, we never really take a break. We find ourselves constantly on the move, constantly accelerating through our lives of which there is so precious little.

"Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late!"

-- The White Rabbit (1865), "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"

Do you use a calculator, or do you do the math in your head or on paper? Do you use spell check or the dictionary? Grammar Check, The Essential Writer's Companion (mine's the 1997 edition), or Roget's A-Z Thesaurus? When was the last time you read a book and actually caught all of the spelling, punctuation, and grammatical mistakes in it? It seems large publishing houses don't spend money proofing an author like they used to, and let's not even get started on newspapers. The news industry would be better served to learn how to be ethical journalists before they work on their proofing and grammar. Today's journalism is a journey back in time to the late 1800's and "yellow journalism" which was more fiction than fact and was soon distrusted by the public. We are not to be bothered thinking for ourselves and separating truth from bullshit, that's what we have governments, universities, and machines for, right? Why do we try to struggle with independent thought when we can allow ourselves to be programmed?  Kind of makes you think, doesn't it?

We have become so busy in our jobs, our leisure, our family and friends, we have no time to watch the moon long enough to see it move between branches of a tree, much less watch the night sky long enough to find the planets. We never sit and try to see the beating wings of a hummingbird. We never try to live between the moments, much less in them. We are too busy trying to become, when we should simply - be.

"All the Buddhas of all the ages have been telling you a very simple fact: Be – don’t try to become. Within these two words, be and becoming, your whole life is contained. Being is enlightenment, becoming is ignorance."

-- Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh (1931-1990), guru, spiritual teacher

"Where do you have to be that is more important than you are right now, this very second?" This is the question I often put to my PTSD group, at the medical center, when I meet with them each Sunday morning. Inevitably, someone will mention watching the television, reading a book, and the like. I excuse them to go on about their preferred business. They usually either stay or return, which opens their eyes and is a lesson to the group. The more important question is why we feel we need to be somewhere else, and is it a valid or simply a desire to escape the now, where we belong?

Where we want to be is much different than where we know we have to be, or should be, at this very second.  Many times, where we have to be is really where we want to be, we just haven't wrapped our minds around the fact that neither really matters - wherever we go, there we are.  One who pays attention usually finds we are where we are for a reason.  Where I am, how I got there, what I'm doing there, when I can leave, are all questions of lesser importance to why I am there, and why I am there is insignificant to the fact that I am.  Next time you get on the elevator and press the button for the first floor, but the elevator takes you up to the third floor, maybe you should get off and see what's happening.  Life might have brought you there for cause.  You might need to witness something, or someone, or they might need to witness you.

Life is now.

There was never a time when your life was not now, 

nor will there ever be.

-- Eckhart Tolle, spiritual teacher and author

When we look at the world around us, what do we really see? We look at flowers in a garden, oh how pretty, but have we seen how absolutely marvelous they are... up close? We look at a beautiful woman and admire her great legs, but do we see the tell-tale signs of physical or mental abuse, the cries for help screaming from her eyes? We look at the children playing in the street, but do we see their hunger and the mom working two or three jobs? Do we ever truly stop to smell the roses, or do we simply look as we pass by? Do we ever wonder why it's important to pay attention?

It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.

-- Henry David Thoreau

Living in the now means living in it all. It means we don't get to pick and choose what comes at us, but we have to take life as it comes, in the moment. We have to take the bad, of which there is so much, and learn to stop and enjoy the happiness and beauty which might come our way. We tend to look at the ugliness more than we see the beauty and happiness within it, for even in the ugly we can find a beauty which can inspire. We need to force ourselves to stop, focus, and see the wonders of the world, good and bad.

The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. 

If you are attentive, you will see it.

-- Thich Nhat Hahn, Zen master, Buddhist monk, poet

Why does it benefit us to live our lives with blinders on?  Why do we have to be led, like sheep to slaughter, by those we elect to protect us, and why do we need protection when we are all perfectly capable?  Why does it benefit us to rush forward and miss the beauty of life around us?  Why do we live everywhere, every time, except in the now in which we belong?  Why do we feel we can move forward on our path if we can't even stop and deal with our present?  Why do we think we can imagine a future if we can't even see the facts of our present with our own eyes?  Why?

As you move forward through your busy life, try to take a moment, smell the roses, be attentive and see the world around you, and ask learn to ask yourself, "Why?"  Why am I here, now?  Why do I have to be somewhere that is so much more important, and if it truly is, why am I not there instead of here?

No valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no capacity for living now.

-- Alan W. Watts

Editor's Note 

(re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card) 

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider another viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 23 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to the intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, in the guise of the Congregation's official, online, blog, "The Path," of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

This Sunday's Thought? 600 Posts, 3.5 years - Where to Now?

For hundreds of lives we come and go, building up the accretion of knowledge and experience which are eventually covered by new layers as time marches inevitably forward. Each day we stand at the edge and stare into the abyss to see all evil held at bay before us. Each day we look to heaven for strength, and each day, each year, each lifetime, we manage to abide. Soon, we become as frozen sentinels, lined along the edge, forever guarding this opening, this doorway. We are the gates to hell on which the enemy constantly knocks. Ours is a choice to serve, as was our choice to sin. We have been into the abyss, tasted the fruits, and managed to return damaged but with a realization that, for those of us who stand, forgiveness is not a gift. We have only honor, duty, and integrity left in our arsenal. Forever we will stand the watch. Forever we will await the coming of the King of Light to seal the abyss forever.

This "My Sunday Thought" is one of fatigue.  I did the math this morning and find I have averaged 14.28 posts per month, 3.57 per week, or one post every other day.  It isn't as though the thoughts aren't coming, as my mind never stops cranking and my readers always have interesting thoughts of their own which they share.  More times than not, however, I find myself beating the same old subjects to death.  I have seriously wondered, of late, if it's worth the effort.  It is not the first time I've chewed on this, and I find it still tough.  Like an old dog I keep digging it up and working on it, wearing it down, searching for some hidden tidbit of flavor.  I always find something to keep me interested.  My faith tells me this is not my first rodeo.  I have been here before, done this before, and will, in all likelihood, find myself agonizing over it in my next life as well.

Each morning I wake up, knock on wood, and thank my God for allowing me to wake up to another glorious day in paradise, and for giving me one more opportunity to excel in life.  At 63 I find it increasingly hard, though, to drag my sorry ass to the precipice so I can look into the abyss and give it a heartfelt middle finger salute, before I spread my arms and give praise.

I have a feeling that a morning might be approaching when the arms will reach upward, the accretion will begin to harden, a sword of light will be delivered, and a final watch will be stood.  On this morning, another sentinel will take up position along the precipice and lips will utter the final words, "Hostes pulsatio usque ad portam civitatis."  The enemy is still pounding at the gate.

Until such a time presents itself, I suppose I'll find the occasional excuse to keep myself plodding ever forward.  My writing has already lessened, though the tone will never change.  My attitude, honesty, and plain language, seem to resonate with my readers.  I think I give credit where credit is due when I call a rose a rose or a schmuck a schmuck.  I have no qualms with calling someone an asshole when they've earned the title, or seem to be well on their way to doing so.  I always admit that I am no better than most, and worse than quite a few.  I am a sinner, a hypocrite, and so much more that, I hope, is better than the worst in me.  In this I find more humility than ego, and one must always strive to be humble..

In my duties as a chaplain I have been reminded, just recently, that I am so much more forgiving and tolerant of others thoughts and beliefs.  The hypocrisy of some "Christians" seems to still focus on the intolerance of the tolerant Christian beliefs of others.  It evidenced, for me, there is still much work to do in the realm of religious and spiritual tolerance of many for the peaceful, loving, and tolerant, thoughts and beliefs of others.

I ask, "Where to now?"  I looked down and found myself typing.  I wish I could be surprised.  

May your words be in my mind,

Your love guide my feet,

Your truth be a sign,

Your peace be a measure,

And your hope be a flag,

As I walk close to you.

Editor's Note 

(re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card) 

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider another viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 23 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to the intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, in the guise of the Congregation's official, online, blog, "The Path," of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteers as lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Giving Thanks - 2016

Giving Thanks

Every day, when you wake up,

Knock on wood, and give thanks;

You are alive.

God has given you another day to excel.

You might fail,

But this is okay

Because life is a gamble;

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.

You must applaud yourself,

Letting no one diminish your effort

Lest it not be your best,

And give thanks to constructive criticism.

Tomorrow, when you awake once more,

Knock on wood and give thanks;

You are alive,

And God has given you another day to excel.

Every day is another gift;

A rebirth of opportunity.

What went before are today’s challenges.

What tomorrow brings is what we make of it.

With each dawn of a new day,

Knock on wood and give thanks.

Failure is a choice,

And, today, you have another chance to succeed.

Praise God!

My Sunday Thought for 11202016: Be Thankful for Blessings

Some people see the glass half full.

Others see the glass half empty.

I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.

-- George Carlin (1937-2008), comedian

George Carlin was the consummate comedian; he had a way of looking at the commonplace and seeing the humor in it.  Because much of the topics of his humor were so much a part of our everyday lives, his insight was easy for us to grasp and understand.  His comedy became a string of "been there, done that" moments which we could all identify with.  In his "half full, half empty" quote, above, we can see a realization that, perhaps, we need to simply be content with what we have.  It is accepting that our "glass" will grow in proportion to that which is added or subtracted from it, thus creating a glass which is always full.  It is acknowledging that you should be thankful for the blessings you have and not for the blessings you expect to come.  If we always believe our lives could be so much happier if, and if we spend our lives waiting for if to occur before we are happy, then what if if never happens?  We would have spent our entire lives constantly betting on the hopes of tomorrow and never enjoying the blessings of today.

Glass half empty, glass half full. 

 Well, either way you won't be going thirsty, 

count your blessings not your flaws.

-- Lauren Aquilina, singer, songwriter

There is psychobabble for the question, "Is the glass half full or half empty?"  It is a way of putting our answer, as to which we think the glass is, into some sort of label to stick on our foreheads; positivity vs. negativity, or optimist vs. pessimist.  If you think of the glass as half empty, you're negative, or a pessimist.  If you're banking on tomorrow and are sure you won't get screwed, you're positively a pessimist.  What are those of us who find we are simply happy to even have a glass?  What of those who are happy with the level they have attained?  Perhaps we can say, they are simply content... with being.  Maybe they're thinking out of the glass.

I want to be the condensation on the glass. 

I want to be that phenomenon that takes place 

between hot and cold.

-- Terrence Howard, actor, singer

I think of myself as a positive person, an optimist.  Do I know that bad things are probably going to happen?  No, I am positive they are.  So this should make me a pessimist, right?  I think if you have wrapped your mind around the balance of the universe, you recognize bad things need to occur.  The most any of us can do is mitigate them when they do; worrying over them gains us nothing except to infringe on our happy place. None of us should worry over that which we have no control, and if you can control it, why in God's good name are you worried about it?  Put a smile on your face and keep moving forward toward the final reward.

I am a positive person.

I never think of the glass as half empty.

I just keep pushing forward.

-- Rosie Perez, actress, dancer, activist

I would suggest considering the concept of accepting your glass for what it is.  For the most part it is memories, some good, some bad, but they are the memories which make you who you are and, regardless of how much you might like to be more, you will never be more that who you are.  Money and status might change your situation, but it won't buy you a happiness you never had to begin with.

Better that we learn, first, to be thankful for what we have.  Once we have done this, then we are able to let our glass accommodate who we are as we grow, and not have to worry about the empty space we are waiting to fill.  We learn to acknowledge the reality that things will happen, and when they do, good or bad, we will grow because of it.  

It is who we are.

I am thankful for so very much, each and every morning.  I greet each new day with the knowledge that I am rich in all I require for happiness, and if I find myself lacking, the new day offers me yet another chance to excel in a life which I have, once again, been blessed to wake into.  Every day is a new day, and every day is a blessing of joy in life.  This Thanksgiving I offer you my prayer:

I pray that you find your joy in life,

that you may wake up every morning, as I do, 

with the knowledge that no matter what occurs, 

it is balance in the universe, the balance in life,

and life is a good thing. 

I pray that you see each misery as a task,

a task to excel at unto completion.

If you stumble at your task

understand you are able to get up, move forward,

happy in the knowledge that you are truly blessed. 

Note:  For those of you wishing to read my posts from Thanksgivings past, I have included a list below, in chronological order from oldest to newest, beginning in 2013 when the Congregation for Religious Tolerance was founded.

(2013) Thanksgiving
(2013) Why I Am Thankful
(2014) Giving Thanks
(2015) Share Your Appreciation Day

Editor's Note 

(re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card) 

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider another viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we do afterward, and what we learn from the experience.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, and instructor. He is founder of the Congregation for Religious Tolerance and author/editor of the Congregation's official blog site, "The Path," which offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination.

My Sunday Thought for 11132016: Female Priests? Never Say Never, Your Holiness.

Early imagery of Mary wearing Bishop's pallium.

My Sunday Thought, for this week, is in response to an article from the monastery published in November, 2016.  The piece is entitled, Female Priests? Never, Says Pope Francis.

According to the article, Pope John Paul II once wrote that "the exclusion of women from the priesthood is in accordance with God's plan for His Church." And with this, the control of Church and congregation remain firmly in the grip of man. The Apostle Paul is attributed with writing half the books of the New Testament, and would also seem to be, at the very least, a sexist, bigoted, homophobic; all of the same lofty attributes we endow Christ with, right? Well, perhaps not.  Again, according to the article, Pope Francis said this of the comment by Pope John Paul II concerning women in the priesthood, "If we read carefully the declaration made by St. John Paul II, it goes in that direction."

Pope John Paul II must be referring to the 11th Commandment, "Mothers of the future are not allowed to minister."  I must have missed that errata sheet for the Old Testament.  Does this reek of, "Only selfish, sexist, egotistical, power hungry, self-indulgent men who don't like women, need apply," or is it just me?

My response to Pope Francis, after reading this post, was the following comment:

"Perhaps it would be wise to leave that door opened a crack, your Holiness. Being definitive in the negative seems to always bite us in the derriere. Better to say, “Maybe… someday, but I wouldn’t hold your breath.”

Like the Holy Bible, my favorite pope, the Bishop of Rome and the leader of the worldwide Catholic Church, his Holiness Pope Francis, appears to be a contradiction. He would seem to be at odds with his view that the Catholic Church should move forward into this new century by embracing 21st Century values, yet even the Holy See appears to be blind to inevitable changes as Christianity as a whole tries to lure this new century's open minded blood into the fold.

What all Christians need to wrap our minds around is what we are never taught about the history of our own scripture.  What we first need to understand is that we really don't know who wrote the Bible, if it was written by a handful of men or sixty.  We don't know if it was written within a couple of hundred years of Christ's death or over the course of 1500 years.  What we seem fairly certain of is that many of the stories were embellished, whether for clarity or other reasons.  We also know that many books were left out when the final collection was chosen for inclusion.  We can also be fairly certain it is a collection of stories handed down by men, not women, "word of mouth" until necessity required a document be written.  What we have come to understand about "word of mouth" is how the spirit of the story might remain, but the accuracy may be questionable.  I'm reminded that all through my Catholic upbringing I thought Christ was a lily white, long haired, Caucasian hippy, and not some Middle East prophet tanned to a crisp brown under the desert sun.  Caucasian, or more probably Italian, is how he was depicted in paintings and on the crucified on the cross above countless altars.  In all of this contradiction the Church simply requires we have faith.

So in a period of mankind's history when men were the ruling class and the religious leaders, we are to accept that their agenda would allow for kinder, gentler, tales imbuing women with equality to men?  We are to accept there was no agenda to ensure control of the faithful would be the sole purview of man?  Yeah, right.  Let's take that on faith.  I think not.

I found an interesting article that gives one pause, So You Reject the Apostle Paul, but Accept Jesus?  In it, the author touches upon what I see as possible collusion between the Apostles:

By rejecting Paul’s writings, one would have to reconsider the Gospel of Luke since Luke was with Paul, agreed with Paul, and their agreement is clear in how Paul quoted Luke as Scripture (1 Tim 5:18; cf. Luke 10:7). Setting aside Luke also means setting aside Luke’s book of Acts and the previously written gospel narratives mentioned in Luke 1:1–3. This leaves only two books, James and Jude, from the Christian Scriptures. However, Jude closely resembles 2 Peter 2 even speaking of fulfillment of Peter’s revelation, so that one cannot reasonably accept Jude. James was also an Apostle with Peter, associated with the Twelve, and accepted Paul (Acts 15; Gal 1:18–2:10), so James’ writing would also be dismissed.

-- Seeing God's Breath

It would seem, by this, we can assume that the Apostles were left to the mercy of their own selfish male frailties after the savior's death, and the frailties of man are many, even among the faithful.  If we accept the possibility of personal or societal agendas poisoning biblical content, what then are we to believe?  Where does this truly leave our faith?  More to the point, where does it leave any judgement we levy against women or homosexuals?  And, why are we passing judgement in the first place, when it states, very clearly, in this very same Bible, this "Word of God," that we are not to judge? 

If women were not to hold positions of ministry, why is Mary depicted so frequently wearing the bishop's pallium?  The pallium is an article of the bishop's raiment seen in the etching, above, as the white ribbon of cloth, hanging down the front and back of Mary's outfit, with a small cross at the bottom.  This pallium symbolized the highest priestly ministry, and could only be worn by the pope, or by a bishop given the privilege from the pope, and only then when the bishop was exercising functions of solemn liturgies.  So, why then is Mary shown wearing it so often?

It is difficult enough to have faith in a religion whose scripture is rife with so many written contradictions due to the patchwork nature of how it was assembled, a hurried inattention to details, the incompetence of scribes taking down the stories from illiterate story tellers, etc.  To complement these written contradictions we also have to struggle with well-meaning artistic contradictions, as well.  I mean, really, I've seen the old, historic photos of women in the middle east of the 19th century.  They might have been considered beautiful by Bedouin standards but, woof! And I really hesitate to say I'm being kind in my opinion.  

Yet, we always depict women from biblical stories as beautiful women.  We should not be surprised by this, and it is one reason I minister that folks should use a critical eye on history when reading anything historic, or considering anything artistic, depicting the times which is created more than a generation or two after the actual events.  we must keep active, open minds to understanding who was in charge, what were the politics of the day, and anything else that might drive a personal, psychological, or societal agenda which might color recorded history with lies, half-truths, or with parables which may not have occurred at all but are used for clarification of a particular philosophical or moral edict.

Where Mary is concerned, she is known to have been the favored of Christ, and this was something of a point of contention with his male Apostles.  How possible, or probable, is it that after His death these same slighted Apostles might have shunned Mary and intentionally diminished her relevance in the life of Christ?  The Gospel of Mary was not included in the Bible, and the only references to it seem to come from the Dead Sea Scrolls as translated in the Nag Hammadi Library, the "Gnostic Gospels."  If you want a real eye opener to differences in thought, try wrapping your mind around the Gospels of Mary and Thomas.

We have entered the 21st century with the fervent hope of finally considering an end to discrimination, bigotry, and inequality.  Christianity, though growing, comes under constant fire for an inability to change those customs which have little to do with faith and more to do with a control of people's minds which wasn't even morally proper back in the day, much less in today's society.  

I think the so-called Church of Christ, the Christian Church, should reflect on what Christ would do, and be less concerned with controlling the minds of their congregation which should not even be attending a church to pray, much less be giving money to it.  Perhaps Christian would be better off understanding the scripture they have so much faith in, and less time listening to the clergy telling them what to do for salvation.  Only you can earn your salvation, and only you can pray to God, and only you can ask and receive God's grace and forgiveness.  Clergy can show you a path, it is up to you to determine if it is God's will. You cannot blame clergy when you discover, in the presence of God, they were leading you astray, intentionally or not.  You will have only yourself to blame for choosing poorly. 

“So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 

And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him."

-- Matthew 6:2-8

Women are proving themselves more than capable of taking on the world of men.  As women, I would think their genetic capacity for love, compassion, tolerance, and forgiveness would make them far better ministers than most men would ever hope to be.  As for female priests, history has accepted women in roles of religious and spiritual leadership for thousands of years in cultures throughout the world, yet the Abrahamic religions approach the concept with eyes tightly shut and ear plugs snugly in place...  

…For this people’s heart has grown callous; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts, and turn, and I would heal them.’ But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear. For truly I tell you, many prophets and righteous men longed to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it.…

-- Matthew 13:15-17

...I'm just saying.

Editor's Note 

(re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card) 

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider another viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we do afterward, and what we learn from the experience.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, and instructor. He is founder of the Congregation for Religious Tolerance and author/editor of the Congregation's official blog site, "The Path," which offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination.

My Sunday Thought for 11062016: Female Punching Bags - Beating up on Women

You promised to love me for better or worse. 

I didn't realize, then, 

You would treat me no better than badly, 

And I would deign to treat you worse.

A timely topic from one of my readers as it pertained to a recent sermon posted on the Monastery website by a fellow minister.  Since my head was already into analysis of his words of wisdom, I was ready to impart a few chosen words of my own for my readers.

Women as punching bags... I can't remember ever addressing this issue as a post of its own.  I think this is, in large part, because I have mentioned it in passing in so many of my posts.  But, isn't this the problem?  We seem to mention this offense in passing, as though it isn't worthy of more attention than a side note to our busy lives.  The only time I find myself addressing the topic is as a side note in my blog or in the course of my ministry as chaplain at the local medical center, especially in the Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder group I meet with there each Sunday.

I don't concern myself with the offender; I tend to dwell on the victim.  You see, not being a wife beater, I have no point of reference from which to address it.  Oh, I could cite all the psychobabble concerning it, and that would mean as much to anybody as a celibate priest counselling married couples on marriage or parenting issues.  He hasn't been there; he hasn't done that.  Have I struck a woman?  Yes, and I can excuse it by pleading self-defense, I can excuse it as an abused husband; I can excuse it in so many ways - too young, stress at work, loveless marriage, yadda, yadda, yadda... but it won't make it right.  I was weak and I allowed myself to be used and manipulated.  I was a coward, and I was wrong. 

"I was taught that, only a coward strikes a woman. Now days women are starting to beat on men, so I would have to qualify it by saying, only in self-defense and then only as a last resort. It is always better to take the high road, just turn around and walk away. Leave her standing in the driveway, screaming at your back as you leave. Like the bee, you can sting or fly away, and live to fly another day! Don't give in to violence. This is true for everyone, not just men."

-- Teenage Dating Abuse, "The Path" (posted 08/09/13)

Men are from Mars and we have a hard time coming to grips with the fact that Venusian women can dominate our emotions no matter how hard we try to prevent it.  Many men are able to cope with the occasional intrusion into our inner sanctorum, our private most secret place where we thought we could hide our emotions.  A growing few find themselves threatened by the very thought of such a trespass even though they bring it upon themselves, and even though their unwitting victim is unaware of any suspected offense.  A weak minded coward will seize upon this victim as an outlet for their own sadistic tendencies or as payback for an offense they may have suffered, real or imagined.

A woman might see something in the man she feels is worthy of her emotion, and she is willing to overlook any negatives as minutia to be worked upon after the relationship is solidified.  The man invites the weak willed, unwitting thief into his house under the guise of love, and then is confronted by her desire to have him change in ways he had not anticipated.  This can end one of three ways.  They can reach an amicable agreement, since they understand any good relationship is about give and take.  They can mutually agree to end the relationship, since it was an ill-conceived idea from the onset. Worse, one or the other tries to mentally and physically beat the individuality from their unsuspecting victim, to mold them into what they really wanted; to change them.  They exert a twisted definition of control which demands superiority, and domination over their "loved" one, which can degrade from mental abuse to physical abuse in short order.  Not that I have anything against a little domination, a little friendly game of pain and pleasure, I just think mutual consent, leather, whips, handcuffs and a good bottle of wine should be involved.  Call me silly and old fashioned.

"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed."

-- Albert Einstein

My marriage was destroyed, but not before I beat the knuckles of both hands bloody on the concrete and cinderblock walls of several houses.  Infliction of pain upon me was the only way I could maintain control of my sanity while ineffectively trying to salvage a marriage doomed from the beginning.  As many of my friends put it, the only person who didn't know this marriage was over before it began... was me.  Beating on concrete was my way of not beating on her.  Hindsight being what it is, we would have both been better served to end the mental abuse we were inflicting on each other.  She would be free to find what she really wanted, and I would be free to find someone who actually wanted a stable relationship.  If we'd done this we could have, probably, remained great friends and continued to have a better relationship for each other and the kids.

I have learned that change is not a necessity for either party.  What is required is the honest attempt by both people to realize differences and embrace them wherever possible, dismissing those which you cannot.  Be friends, and then be lovers.  If you can't be friends, then the relationship it is all about other horseshit not conducive to a good, long term, relationship.

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.

-- Katharine Hepburn

In my case we were both victims; her because of my anger and frustration, and me because of her to use me and mentally abuse me for twenty-four years.  Yes, I was that dense.  I not only suffered the mental cruelty of it, but I also suffered from the "never say die" syndrome.  I foolishly thought she would, one day, come around.  I suppose this is what women suffer from when they stay with a man that beats them mercilessly while telling everyone how much he really loves her, or that it's just the stress of his job, or some other bullshit they've convinced themselves is the reason for becoming some moron's punching bag.  You convince yourself that he'll change, and he'll convince himself you're really that stupid.  Who do you think is right?  

“The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious. In fact, even among women who have experienced violence from a partner, half or more report that the man’s emotional abuse is what is causing them the greatest harm.”

-- Lundy Bancroft, author, domestic abuse consultant

I came to realize, over time, that my upbringing was perfectly on point.  Life is all about choices.  Do you stay or do you go, and what are the consequences of the wrong decision.  For the man, the real man, it is all about self-control and remembering, above all else, abusing someone weaker than you accomplishes nothing save proving how small a person you really are.  If someone weaker and smaller than you is causing you frustration or anger, leave; they obviously don't love you as you would like, so be man enough to get out before one of you does something stupid.  Hey, everyone makes mistakes in love, be a man and own up to the mistake and accept whatever consequences you have to in order to end the relationship.

Women need to realize that being the punching bag for a moron makes them look like a doormat to all of their friends and family.  Only a masochist would stay in this relationship and actually enjoy it.  You'll know the difference when you look in the mirror and see the spiked dog collar around your neck with the leash attached to it, a tattoo across your breasts saying "Property of George," and the latest red welts from the belt he's laid across your ass while you writhed with pleasure (hopefully there was the aforementioned obligatory outfits of leather and bottle of wine).  If, however, what you see staring back at you is a haggard, tired, miserable and sad reflection of a former self, you are nothing more than a doormat for an abusive moron and it sucks being you.  I'm just saying.

“Doormatitis: door-mat-i-tis noun; low self-worth. A learned behavior where the infected person allows others to walk all over them, blame them, treat them terribly, always giving the boundary crossers the benefit of the doubt. They make excuses for them, They will give in to guilt and intimidation and give the boundary crossers what they want again and again."

-- P.A. Speers, author

A woman has to realize this kind of abuse isn't necessary, much less legal, for her happiness.  As much as she might like to believe it, this is not what being a real man is all about.  She is in a relationship with a coward, the lowest form of humanity, a person who gets off on the pain of another.  If you feel there is no escape, you would be sadly mistaken.  There are numerous organizations willing to assist you in escaping this abuse, but you might start with concerned friends and family.

A male has to realize there is more to being a man than having the applicable genitals and an ability to grunt while scratching them.  Being a real man is a mindset based on a foundation of respect for self, others, and society.  It requires grooming, manners, a sense of morality, and an ethical code to protect those not capable of protecting themselves.  

Real men are seemingly few and far between, yet so set apart from the herd as to be recognizable at a glance.  It is seen in how they carry themselves, how they treat those around them, and the particular respect they show for the gentler sex.  Their title as a "real man" is solidified when they reach for that tissue during the chick flick, or when Bambi's father dies.  They're the man who makes dinner, sets the table, lights the candle, and pours two glasses of wine all for the woman he's been with long enough that she wouldn't expect it, and he does it after working his ass off all day.  This is the sign of a real man.  

The question the woman has to ask herself is, "Why?"  Why she is in a bad relationship, why does she deserve better, or why is she deserving of the candlelight dinner?  Asking herself why can answer what she did that brought her to this point, this consequence of her actions or inactions to circumstances.  These consequences are her positive or negative reinforcements to either continue to make the good choices or to make better choices for better outcomes.  The choice is hers, and she has to be the one to make the decision and take the action.

Before you say there's no good men just make sure you're a good woman. Sometimes you attract the lifestyle you live.

-- Mario Tomasello

Women become punching bags as a matter of choice; the choice to be with him, the choice to stay with him, and the choice to excuse him.  With these choices comes the consequence of accepting that you are a victim, that pain is simply a part of life, and that this life is simply a prelude to a possible death at the hands of the abuser.  She wants him to change.  He wants her to buck up and take it.  Who needs to make a better choice to change their consequences?  I would say, both of them.  The woman for obvious reasons, but the man also needs to be confronted with his offenses and be made to come to a realization that he is not acting like a good man, and he needs help. 

“Objectification is a critical reason why an abuser tends to get worse over time. As his conscience adapts to one level of cruelty—or violence—he builds to the next. By depersonalizing his partner, the abuser protects himself from the natural human emotions of guilt and empathy, so that he can sleep at night with a clear conscience. He distances himself so far from her humanity that her feelings no longer count, or simply cease to exist. These walls tend to grow over time, so that after a few years in a relationship my clients can reach a point where they feel no more guilt over degrading or threatening their partners than you or I would feel after angrily kicking a stone in the driveway.”

-- Lundy Bancroft

Editor's Note 

(re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card) 

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider another viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we do afterward, and what we learn from the experience.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, and instructor. He is founder of the Congregation for Religious Tolerance and author/editor of the Congregation's official blog site, "The Path," which offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination.