Happiness: Who Is Responsible?

"Solamen miseris socios habuisse doloris." 

(To the unhappy it is a comfort to have had company in misery.)

-- Mephistopheles, C. Marlowe's "The Tragical History of the Life and Death of Doctor Faustus" (1592)

As I am sure it is of great comfort to the miserable to have company in said misery, it bodes the question: Why would one voluntarily want to be in to be in the company of misery?  It makes my head hurt.

As the doldrums of winter approach, I see comments from those around me, those in my circle,  and some readers around the world, alluding to the miseries of life.  I wrote about this topic the middle of January this year (see You're Already There), when the end of the 2014 holiday season left many people wanting for more from life.  I totally mean to seem cold and detached, because pissing some people off seems to be the only way to get their attention.  So, in keeping with this philosophy, well... Boo, hoo!  Maybe it's time to learn how to wipe the tears and suck it up.

As I sat watching television last evening, a commercial, for a special where they were going to bury people alive in order to confront their fear, sparked an immediate response from me.  It reminded me of military basic training.  This is all about your mindset.  If you understand basic training is just a game meant to try and break your spirit, you also understand that, by not buying into the game and waiting them out, it will soon be over and you can be on your way.  The big key is that the test is finite in length.  The same holds true with this TV special.  Once you come to the understanding there are people monitoring you, medical personnel on standby, others there to dig you up at a moment's notice, and there is a time limit, there should be no trepidation to being buried alive.  I don't care what releases you sign, I would think if you die due to their negligence your family becomes part owner in a TV network.  You stand a better chance of spontaneous combustion while watching a political debate than dying on their watch. 

"Better to be the light of hope than another anchor of despair." 

My point is, your alleged misery is your misery.  Where most prisoners of war realize this early on and try to build some semblance of normalcy out of their environment, some of us choose to wallow in self-pity.  A POW will learn to create a new reality for themselves, and their fellows, out of their situation, where some of us accept the seeming hopelessness of our situation and simply give up on ourselves as if we're content to wallow in the crap we've created. The POW must learn to live in a created fantasy world or slowly die mentally and physically.  The big difference is, they are in a brutal prison and have no choice but to make their lives better.  We, on the other hand, have a choice to rise above our issues and make our lives better. When you consider the other "prisoners" around you, why would any of them want to listen to how miserable you are?  Better to be the light of hope than another anchor of despair.

"If misery loves company, misery has company enough."

-- Henry David Thoreau

You can't truly take care of others until you learn to take care of yourself, mentally as well as physically. Nor can you truly love others until you learn to love yourself. Believe it or not, it truly is all about you. It is all about each of us, and how we treat ourselves. Who is responsible for your happiness? You are! And, who then is responsible for your misery? Again, you are! If you feel the need to blame someone, or something else, for misery you created by making a free choice, how sad that is for you.  If you allow your circumstance to continue without taking a stand against it, how masochistic that is of you. If you can't, or won't take a stand against it, then learn to live with it; learn to be happy with your circumstances, and stop dragging everyone else down with you. We all make our own bed to sleep in.  If your choice is to wallow in a pit of self-pity, then embrace it and be happy in it, but stop complaining about it.

One word of caution for those willing to take a stand for something better, for those willing to take ownership of their circumstances. A good friend of mine warns, "If you stir the pot, be prepared to lick the spoon." I would add that, if your life sucks, smile and be thankful you're alive, because for some of us, the alternative really sucks.

Editor's Note 

(re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card) 

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so.

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion and debate in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth. After over twenty years as a military intelligence analyst, planner, and briefer, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we do afterward, and what we learn from the experience.

Frank Anthony Villari (aka, Pastor Tony)

Pastor Tony is founder of the Congregation for Religious Tolerance and author/editor of the Congregation's official blog site, "The Path."