Honor Thy Pedophile and Thy Mother?

"Honor your father and your mother,

so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you."

-- Exodus 20:12

Honor your father and your mother.  As a rule of thumb, this sounds pretty reasonable.  As the fifth in God's 10 Commandments, His 10 laws for man to live by, it still seems pretty reasonable.  LifeHopeandTruth.com states, "God gave the 10 Commandments from Mount Sinai, accompanied by smoke, earthquakes and the blast of a trumpet to emphasize the importance of these laws. Moses recorded God’s words in Exodus 20 and recounted the event again in Deuteronomy 5."  

Actually, Moses didn't write any of this.  Scholars ascribe Exodus to the Babylonian exile period which occurred a good 500 years after Moses received the stone tablets from God.  So much for truth but, you can't believe anything you read on the internet - right?  Bon jour! 

Faith demands we believe the 10 Commandments were, in fact, handed down on two stone tablets.  One might assume God, being perfect, used stone so the commandments would last forever.  There was no reason for them not to as they were succinct, and not open to changes or interpretation unless you're a complete idiot, close minded, or a member of clergy, and for the most part I'm not certain there is a difference in these three.  God gave us ten simple commandments and we gave God back a couple of thousand pages worth of scripture trying to explain the simplicity of what God really meant to say, which only proved that mankind is truly dumber than concrete and explained the whole eating the forbidden fruit from the tree issue.

"But one thing honoring does NOT mean is that you have no choice but to tolerate their abuse. Honoring does not mean that you never confront, or set limits on someone's behavior. Honoring does not mean you have to give up all hope of ever being treated nicely, and sacrifice your own health and well-being for an abuser's sadistic enjoyment."

-- Rev. Renee Pittelli

So how does one justify honoring parents, if the parents in question have committed sins against the child which God has commanded to honor them?  This entire post came about after my request for my readers to send me ideas to write about.  The following message arrived from one of my long time readers and very dear friend:

“I'm tolerant and accepting, but I will not forsake my beliefs in order to be tolerant and accepting. For instance, strengthening my faith in a world full of abuses against mankind and, at the rate society is going, will we see the return of Jesus Christ in our lifetime? If so, I'm not ready. 

I do not know how to reconcile Commandment 5, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you." Because of another human's actions and character, I can't reconcile a commandment of God. Do I still have the chance to ascend into heaven? Can I be a person of integrity, honesty, sincerity, loyalty, and still fall short of God's grace? What if, because of the abuses I suffered early in life, my behavior in my 20s has already sealed my fate? Maybe that's why I don't see/feel God's promises in my life today? I already screwed the pooch?

Last week at mass, the church had "voting guides" available to inform the practicing Catholics how to vote in accordance with their [Catholic] doctrine (i.e. abortion, heterosexual marriage, etc.). How do you be tolerant and accepting and still have a strong faith with a conscience? The Monsignor specifically spoke to honoring your parents; you KNOW that can't happen for me. How in the world am I to ever reconcile that one?

I just wonder if God will overlook the fact that I was sacrificed by my mother, to a pedophile and left for my soul to rot (until I got old enough to rescue it, that is), when He considers my afterlife?”

Scripture needs to be interpreted, not the commandments.  What is our definition of parent?  I found a good description in Wikipedia under Parent:  "Parenting or child rearing is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, financial, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. Parenting refers to the aspects of raising a child aside from the biological relationship."

So being a father and mother, a parent, goes beyond the "biological relationship."  When it comes to honoring someone for parenting it could apply to whomever the child sees was responsible for "promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, financial, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood."  I think God understood this when handing down the law, worded in the parlance of the day, so it could be understood by the least of us.  Sadly, it might very well be, especially for many children in today's world, no one deserves this honor.

My friend's message to me was full of more than just this question of honor, or misplaced honor. She voices concerns about integrity, honesty, sincerity, loyalty, failure, conscience, salvation, and god's grace.  The message address questions most of us have concerning our personal faith, not to be confused with our religion which is simply a word to describe the cults, the business, controlling leadership, and those separate sects which we think offer us the best shot at attaining the Kingdom of God since we seem incapable of attaining it on our own.  Our faith is what we are left with when all of this other crap is stripped away.  It is what we fall back on when it is all we have left, and it is almost always all we have left.  If we don't have at least that, then we never truly had faith to begin with.  What we all don't seem to grasp is this concept of personal faith.  The only way to God is through the Son, and the only way through the Son is through your own faith!  Not through the faith, belief, and toil of others.  God wants to hear from you, not some clergy representing you; some surrogate you think can absolve you of any breach of protocol.  God needs to hear your faith.

My answer the greater question in my dear friend's message is simple, though she usually accuses me of speaking in riddles.  If you are concerned enough to ask, then you have already reconciled.  If you are questioning your path, then you are already on your journey.  If you truly have faith, then all you need do is turn around - you are already at the gates.  Life and happiness are not all that difficult.

"God is not telling us to honor abusers, who don’t deserve to be honored. It helps to remind ourselves that God does not do nonsensical, irrational, or contradictory things. He NEVER rewards evil, and he NEVER says anything to us that would make it easier for evil to thrive, or for abusers to get away with their cruelty. It doesn’t make sense that our God, who is All Good, would tell us to encourage and reward evil. If it doesn’t make sense and we do not feel at peace in our spirit about it, then it is not from God. We need to delve a little deeper into his Word and pray for a better understanding."

-- Rev. Renee Pittelli

Editor's Note 

(re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card) 

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider another viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and then engaging in peaceful, constructive, discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning the opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we do afterward, and what we learn from the experience.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, and instructor. He is founder of the Congregation for Religious Tolerance and author/editor of the Congregation's official blog site, "The Path," which offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination.