My stress, in life, ended when I became "debt-free." My only debts, per se, were rent and car insurance. I never lived beyond my means for a rental, and only had liability on my used vehicles. Two things were obvious for me. One, I worked to pay rent. Everyone has to live somewhere. Two, I could dump the car anytime. I always worked close enough to walk from home.
Marriage, for me, was stressful for another two reasons. The love was unrequited and created spiraling debt that occurs when one, or both of you, care so much less about spending habits. The plus to having your own credit cards and accounts before a divorce is that everyone becomes responsible for their own debt. The upside, if there can be an upside to thoughtlessness, is that both of you, hopefully, get a wake-up call to enabling bad habits, and bad decisions. I divorced her.
"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."--Epicurus
There are other things I will not abide by in my life, that will cause me stress. One is that I abhor people who think they're smart enough to use me without me knowing they're doing it, including "friends," family, and people saying they "love" me. If they're succeeding, it's only because I have allowed it, for my own reasons. The fact they think I don't know they're using me simply pisses me off, it means I have allowed dumbasses into my life. The second is perpetually miserable people. I see no reason to enable their continued misery, especially in my life. The third is misery in my own life. Being miserable accomplishes nothing but making other people miserable by being around you, and what fun is that, for anybody?
"When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere."-- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
And, finally, is being in debt. By being "debt-free" I work because I want to, not because I have to. I allow "stress" at work because it is interesting, not because I have to endure it. Being debt-free means you can tell the boss to shove it, at the drop of a hat, and not have to stress over the consequences of your actions. This is a great ability to have in your inventory, and a great feeling.
"Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."--Winnie the Pooh
Stress is good for only one thing - getting rid of it. The best way to rid yourself of stress is not to allow yourself to have it; don't put yourself in a position where stress rules you, always know you are accepting the stress for a damned good reason and get rid of it as soon as possible. The biggest problem with stress is that it's like eating the wrong foods; a second on the lips, an eternity on the hips. Many times, the things that cause us stress are much harder to get rid of than they were to obtain. Like waking up with the wrong person in bed next to you after trying one the night before. The first thing you realize is... uh oh. It is so much better to slow down and keep your wits about you. There is absolutely no decision, so important that you have to make it immediately. Learn to take a moment and consider your options and there are always options. The decisions are yours.
"There is more to life than increasing its speed."-- Mahatma Gandhi
The biggest stresses in my life have been, in reality, those which I have created for myself. They were stresses which were caused by bad decision making, not following sound advice, and not getting rid of the damned stress, getting shed of the situation, when I realized I had created it. If you live in stress, how can you hope to be truly happy?
"God give us the grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, the courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other."--Reinhold Niebuhr
"Winnie the Pooh" tells us, "To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks." To the educated, I offer, that if we used "one" in lieu of A or AN, we could eliminate one word by eliminating two. This has absolutely nothing to do with stress, but I just thought of it so I wanted to share it.
Contrary to a popular song, one is not the loneliest number. One is the most important number. One is already more than zero, and one is a number that draws other numbers to it. You must realize that, in your short life, you are number one. Take care of number one. If you can't take care of yourself, how can you ever hope to take care of others? If you can't love yourself, how can you ever hope to love others?
"I used to believe in foreverBut forever's too good to be true."-- Winnie the Pooh
We have a finite time in life, to find happiness. Many of us never will. Many of us start out believing in forever, just to find out forever is too good to be true. I prefer to believe in forever. I prefer to think that one life bleeds into the next, and I'd rather not live forever in a state of stressful misery. If you don't get straight in this life you will have to get straight in the next, or the next. There is no time like the present to decide upon happiness. There is no time like now to say "NO" to stress. You can carry that stress around with you, filling your glass with it. How much stress do you want to carry? And, for how long? It is entirely your decision.
Maybe, it's time to put the glass down.
"Even as fire finds peace in its resting place without fuel, when thoughts become silence the soul finds peace in its own source. When the mind is silent, then it can enter into a world which is far beyond the mind. This is wisdom, and this is liberation."--The Upanishads
Editor's Note
(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)
Before you go getting your panties in a bunch - it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. Opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form their own opinions, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.
I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning those opinions offered. After twenty-three years of military intelligence, I believe that engaging each other in this manner, and in this arena, is a way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.
We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience... and what we do afterward.
Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Following his service career, he spent 17 years working with the premier and world-renowned Western Institutional Review Board, helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. He also served 8 years on the Board of Directors for the Angela J. Bowen Foundation.
Ordained in 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As a weapon for his war on intolerance, he chose the pen. He wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's personal, spiritual path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.
Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com
